Catholic Online Forum

Erin: I too am single, and young, nearly 21. I haven't read had anyone think I'm a nun or sister. The only 'incident' I've had was one recently, where a man said 'hey, I saw you at the last Mass in the other church'. That's it really!

I think a mother wearing a veil is beautiful. It reminds me of a woman who I saw in church, waiting for confession. She had a little boy who was being rather wriggly, but she wore a veil. So you won't be the only one! Veils aren't just for nuns, it just fell out of practice and has become 'disconnected' from the layity, that's all. So go right ahead and wear one if you feel this is what you should do.

Don't worry about being self conscious. I too had this fear when I first started veiling, but it's not a problem now. Say a little prayer and smile. The fact is, everyone is an individual and gives glory to God in their own way. If veiling is one of them, then fine, others must learn to respect that. And they *do* get used to it.

Good luck.

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Only one thing can be relied on. God!
http://www.freewebs.com/incenserising/. My intercessory prayer page.

I'm married with six kids and have anywhere between none and all of them with me when I'm in church. I've never had anyone think I was a nun, or at least no one has ever said anything to that effect.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Couldn't resist:



HRH Crownprincess Victoria of Sweden wearing proper headdress for the occasion

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Daniel N.

Saint François, notre douce lumière, priez pour nous.

Daniel,

That is a nice picture. Thanks for sharing it.

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Michelle C.

"My God, my God, I love Thee in the Most Blessed Sacrament."-Prayer of Fatima

I am married, with three children, and, no, I am never mistaken for a nun, despite my veil.

That said, I have trouble keeping my veil on. It is a triangular one, and it is always slipping back. I am planning to buy a full mantilla one in hopes it will stay on better!

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--Karyn

For the great Gaels of Ireland
Are the men that God made mad,
For all their wars are merry,
And all their songs are sad.

Karyn,

I have a triangle veil too and I find that when I wear my hair up that the veil has something to "hold" onto i.e. my upstyle.

When I wear my hair down or in a pony tail my veil will slip around.

Maybe playing with your hairstyle may make wearing your veil a little easier.

Also you can always try a couple of bobby/ hair pins to hold your veil in place.

hths.

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Carol S.

Romans 5: 1-11

NIHIL SINE DEO

My hair is far too short to put up. I prefer long hair, but my husband likes it short. So there you are.

I have tried the two different hair-styles I *can* make, and neither keeps it up. So it's bobby pins until I can get a mantilla.

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--Karyn

For the great Gaels of Ireland
Are the men that God made mad,
For all their wars are merry,
And all their songs are sad.

This is for the ladies who are worried about keeping a veil on.

Some Jewish ladies wear a head scarf called a "tichel" for modesty. I linked below to a page that has different tying styles and tying instructions. I think you'd find a tied scarf or veil easier to keep on your head! All of these are opaque scarfs, but I have seen lace scarfs tied back very beautifully.

http://www.tznius.com/cgi-bin/tying.pl

"Tznius" means modesty, btw.

I've seen lace veils tied into "the ribbon" and "the butterfly". But I also very much like the look of opaque veils.

Perpetua,
Thank you so much for posting that link! I bought a chapel veil a few months back, but have felt too uncomfortable to wear it to Mass because it was so lacy, and I have had trouble finding headcoverings that weren't lacy. I know, I know, I probably wasn't looking hard enough, but the site you provided has exactly what I have been looking for!

God Bless,
Brigid C.

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"Without God, I cannot. Without me, God will not."

You're welcome, Brigid! I hope you find one that suits you just right.

When I first bought a veil which was not too long ago, I found myself and I still do find myself being uncomfortable wearing it at the parish I belong to. I really believe that it will bother the Priest of the parish. Should I wear it anyway, or wear something else? I have worn a beret there. I purchased a beret for occasions when I think my veil will be distracting or when I think it will be a sore subject with someone, and for some reason I think it will be a sore spot with my pastor. I'm not meaning to judge him, but I just get this feeling. So should I just wear my beret when attending Mass there or wear my veil. What would any of you do if you had this intuitive feeling about the pastor of the parish you belong to? I would love some insights. Thank you.

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Michelle C.

"My God, my God, I love Thee in the Most Blessed Sacrament."-Prayer of Fatima

Michelle,

Any chance you could make an appointment to talk to your pastor? I think this way you would have a definite answer from him and not just intuition which may be right or may be wrong. Until you talk to him you won't know how he *actually* feels about veiling.

As far as I am aware there is nothing wrong with wearing a beret instead of a veil. The other option is to continue wearing your beret instead of a veil.

I remember when I was trying to figure out whether to veil or not (very few veil in my parish) so it was a big step in that context for me too - I prayed a lot for guidance. Michelle, I will keep you in my prayers.

God bless,

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Carol S.

Romans 5: 1-11

NIHIL SINE DEO

Carol,

I did wear the veil to Mass there when I first got it, but I sat on the side, because I wasn't sure how distractive I'd be so I didn't go down the middle of the Church. Therefore I didn't go to Communion to the pastor, so I don't know if he even saw me. I do wear the veil when going to other parishes. Maybe I can just go ahead and wear the veil there and see how he reacts? Or do you think it's better I talk to him about it and tell him I don't want to what? upset, distract, him? I wouldn't be sure what to say?

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Michelle C.

"My God, my God, I love Thee in the Most Blessed Sacrament."-Prayer of Fatima

michelle,

I'd be surprised if he even noticed.

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Bob C

JMJ

Michelle,



(emphasis mine)

I suggested your making an appointment with your pastor because you mentioned in your previous post that you thought your pastor might be distracted by you wearing a head covering.

Also if you did decide to talk to him I personally wouldn't go about it by asking him if it would distract him I would prefer the approach that I had been researching/ feel a call to veil/ enter in your own reasons for wearing a head covering and I was wondering what he thought about it. For this approach I would suggest that you would have the reasons you want to have your head covered ready when you make the call.

I don't know how big your church is or it's layout but regardless of where I sit I can be seen by anyone who is standing at the altar. So sitting at the side never was an option for me. I just walked in and sat in my usual spot. So I don't know how hidden you are going to be by sitting at the side.

Another option for you is just to wear the veil and talk to your pastor after mass.

hths,

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Carol S.

Romans 5: 1-11

NIHIL SINE DEO

As has been pointed out by soooo many people, we don't need to go for the whole Spanish lace effect! Although I quite like it, personally... when I'm at the '62 Mass, and a lot of the rest of the time, I'll wear white lace, but I do figure it's a tad inappropriate in some contexts so I'll often turn up looking like I've just crossed the Urals - any decent headscarf will do. In 'emergency' situations, I've been known to make do with the hood of my coat...

Weirdly, I absolutely hate the feeling of being there with my head *uncovered*... except occasionally when it's just me and Him...

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Jules Xx


What will become of sinners?

I am curious -

1) Is it wrong to wear a black veil during Mass? Should it always be white?
2) At what point do you put the veil on - in the car, upon entering the Church, etc.?
3) When do you remove the veil?
4) Are veils worn whenever a lady enters the church, or only during Mass?

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- Shawnna

Hi Shawna,

As far as I am aware traditionally married and widowed women wore black veils and unmarried women wore white.

Nowadays I see all different colors. Generally speaking though I have to say that the colors that ladies choose do not take attention away from the Mass. So no florescent colours etc. I have seen some nice green veils coming through lately (but I digress).

I prefer to wear white but I also have a black infused with silver veil. I wear the black-silver when it is inappropriate for me to wear white e.g. say I was at someone elses wedding, I would not wear white b/c it is the brides day not mine. Also when girls are having their First Communion I will tend to wear the black-silver veil.

If I go to a funeral I wear the black-silver.

I put my veil on as I enter the Church.

I remove my veil as I leave the Church.

When I go to the chapel for Adoration I veil. If I step into a Church just to pray I veil, i.e. even when it is just Him and me.

Once I went into the Church just to pray and I didn't veil. I felt weird, so much so that I wouldn't want to do that again.

hths,

Carol

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Carol S.

Romans 5: 1-11

NIHIL SINE DEO

Umm... any colour...

Now, I'll veil most of the time. Originally, only at Adoration and for Holy Mass - because then the Blessed Sacrament is exposed so if it's only sometimes it ought to be those times. The only exception is sometimes when 'tis just me and Him and I'm in one of those moods when the little girl just wants her Daddy... at which point I'm too busy hugging His knees or something, I guess

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Jules Xx


What will become of sinners?

Julie - asking about colors probably sounded odd! I've never seen anyone veil with an actual veil (usually with hats or scarves). It made me wonder if the veils followed liturgical colors. I've thought about doing it in the past because it seems to be very comforting.

Carol - do you veil during confession? Or just for penance? If you went to the church to speak to the priest, but not to pray, and he offered a blessing, would you veil then, also? As I said above, I've only seen people veil with hats or scarves, and they were worn after Mass, also. So I'm not sure if there's an etiquette to veiling. I never did see any of the women take those hats off!

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- Shawnna

Hi Shawna,

As soon as I set foot inside a church I either have my veil already on my head or I am just pulling it out of my purse to put it on my head. So if I am there to just have a few moments with Him, talk to a priest, into the confessional box, regardless of what I am doing I am veiled.

I don't veil in public and I put my veil on what I arrive at church b/c it is a good 20 minute walk to church for me. Should I decide to wear a hat then I would put it on at home and not take it off till I got back home.

Feel free to ask any other questions.

HTHS.

Carol

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Carol S.

Romans 5: 1-11

NIHIL SINE DEO

I have only veiled one time since I converted in April 2004. On Christmas day last year, a woman came in and sat in the second row next to me wearing a beautiful veil. Her brother was also with her . I saw her and her brother later that week and I said I was interested but didn't dare wear one, her brother gave me one. Usually the only ones who wear veils in our Parish are older hispanic women. This woman was not either of these. Well, the 1st Friday of this month, I had adoration, it was with hispanics. I wanted to put my veil on but I didn't dare. And I was looking at Jesus and thinking, if we go see the pope, we veil. If I can veil for the pope, I should be able to veil for Jesus. So I did. I was self conscious about it for a little. The hispanics looked at me and then went back to the prayers they were doing. They didn't make a big deal of it, which I appreciate it. And I have started to attend hispanic mass instead of English. So when will I get the nerve to veil for mass? I don't know. Especially since I sit right in the front row for hispanic mass. Maybe I will just do it at adoration for now.

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Ana (Faith)
Catholic as of April 2004

What a great thing God's mercy is...
the more I receive it,
the more deeply I fall into his debt.
St. Teresa de Avila

Ana,

good to hear you are trying out veiling. But who says you always have to sit in the front row when you go to Mass in Spanish?
It may be that I'm a bit pushy and unconsiderate about women veiling, but is it really such a big deal if someone notices you for a few seconds? I'd say it's well worth it, when the worst part of being self-conscious wears off.

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Daniel N.

Saint François, notre douce lumière, priez pour nous.

I sit in the front because I like to kneel on the floor rather than a kneeler and I am not distracted by what is going on besides the mass. And I can hear really well that way. I have adult ADD and if I sit anywhere else, I don't really get much out of the mass. And I feel more reverent kneeling on the ground than on a kneeler. Also I don't know if my Priest would like it if I did it. It might distract him. I do want to.

In the hispanic mass, the place gets so full that all the seats are needed. In the English mass, very rarely does anyone sit in the front row.

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Ana (Faith)
Catholic as of April 2004

What a great thing God's mercy is...
the more I receive it,
the more deeply I fall into his debt.
St. Teresa de Avila

I am a male, so a veil is out of the question for me. However, I can say that I have never seen a girl at my parish wear headcovering, only elderly ladies.

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Jacob Norlund, KCØLTV

I have never thouht about this one, or ever seen anyone wear one. I suppose I would if others did.

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Your sister in Christ,
Nicole

Live in such a way that those who know you but don't know God will want to know God because they know you.

To be honest, I have never seen a woman wearing any kind of headcovering in a church, not even my grandmother who is the most traditional Catholic I know. In fact, I had never even heard of wearing veils in church until it came up last year at my school, which was celebrating its 50th anniversary, and we were discussing differences between how Mass would have been when the school started and how it is now.

On the subject of Corinthians, Saint Paul expressly tells women to cover their heads. However, he also tells them to defer to their husbands and not ask anyone but their husbands questions about their faith. Saint Paul also tells slaves to obey their masters. We should remember that Saint Paul wrote these letters for specific communities in a specific culture nearly 2000 years ago. While the larger spiritual truths are still true and relevant, not all details should be taken literally.

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Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam

Cally

My goodness, it's been a zillion years since I've posted here!

I've started covering my head for Mass and I truly love it, and so does my husband.

I have been using patterned silk scarves (32x32in), tied like a tiechel over my long hair that goes to the middle of my back. I also purchased a sheer black tiechel from Devorah which ties in the back like that, but have not used that one yet. It looks a bit Middle Eastern, but then my husband's comment was that Christ was Middle Eastern, so what's the big deal! I've also found a gorgeous one on eBay that is a traditional lace mantilla - I can't wait to get it! My favorite so far in my little collection is a very sheer black silk with big white polka dots on it. A bit unorthadox, but it fits my personality too, and isn't so over the top that it would draw undue attention.

Anyway - I love covering my head for Mass and adoration. I went to a baptism out of town this weekend and in my rush out the door I forgot to grab something to cover my head with and I felt totally uncomfortable.

Oh - and I've heard that white is for unmarried women and black is for married women, but I don't think that many people follow that any more.

~Liza

Well... After contemplating it for well over a year, I just ordered my veil at our local Catholic store! I don't know when it will get here.... I'm kind of nervous But I'll keep everyone updated!

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Erin
Mother of 3

"Our mission field is the Kingdom of God, and that has no boundaries" -Abbot Francis Pfanner

Erin,

I am so glad you posted this. I have lately been thinking about starting to wear a veil and it was great to see the thread come up. I'm not sure that I would have thought to look for it.

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Jayne
"To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbour's thoughts, words and deeds in a favourable way." CCC 2478

A question for those of you who do veil or could help me.... I ordered a black one but am thinking of also ordering a white. Is there actual "teaching" or a correct color to wear? I've heard black if you're married but then I've heared white only during mass?? I would like to know the correct "method" so I don't screw this up.... would there be a website, pamphlet, or book that would instruct on this?
Thanks!

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Erin
Mother of 3

"Our mission field is the Kingdom of God, and that has no boundaries" -Abbot Francis Pfanner

It was a couple of years ago that I too was discerning whether to cover my head at Mass and I never found any actual teaching as to what colour to wear. As far as I am aware it is not mandated that we cover our heads so there is no official teaching as to what colour, size, shape etc.

What I have found that at the parish where I attend Mass celebrated in the Extraordinary rite the vast majority of women cover their heads (something like 80-90%). Of those that cover their heads about 90% wear a mantilla of varying shapes, the majority of colours are split between creamy white/ivory, pure white and black. About 1-2% of women wear coloured scarves, deep reds and other colours but nothing too outlandish. About 8% wear a hat or beret, again colours vary from a black beret to a red bucket style hat. The hat and scarf wearers often are just wearing a hat/scarf colour that goes with the outfit that they are wearing.

I have never heard the "white only during Mass" line, where did you hear this?

In my small collection of headcoverings I have a pure white, a creamy white/ivory and a black with antique silver. I wear the creamy white/ivory the most often as it goes with most of the colours that I wear in my wardrobe as I tend to wear warm colours more than cool colours. The black with silver I wear when I am attending a wedding as I prefer not to outshine the bride on her big day or when there are people receiving their First Communion as often the girls are wearing white veils, and at funerals or when I am wearing more formal attire as the black and silver is quite elegant.

As far as I am aware the old tradition was white for single ladies and black for married/widows. I have only heard this tradition by word of mouth and here on the forum I have not seen it written anywhere other than the 'net.

As far as colours go, by your picking up black you have done just fine. There are some young ladies (in their early - mid 20's) at my parish who are not married who choose to wear black b/c it is more in fashion than the white. (Black is a big fashion colour in my part of the world, our city is well known for women choosing to wear black for day to day wear). What I think is more important is not the colour they have chosen but the fact that they understand the reason behind covering their head while in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

Below is a link to Halo-works an online retailer of headcoverings (among other things), they have a FAQ which includes details about what colours, when to put it on also a couple of essays on why we should cover our heads.

Halo-Works FAQ

hths and if you have any more questions feel free to ask.

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Carol S.

Romans 5: 1-11

NIHIL SINE DEO

Carol,
Thanks so much for all the info--it was very helpful! I may purchase the white as well just to have a second one around.


I am considering getting a child's one for my DD who is 3... do people think that is that too young??

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Erin
Mother of 3

"Our mission field is the Kingdom of God, and that has no boundaries" -Abbot Francis Pfanner

Carol,

Thanks for the helpful link. I was very impressed by this part:

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Jayne
"To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbour's thoughts, words and deeds in a favourable way." CCC 2478

FWIW, re: kids...

I was at the baptism of Stine's last two, and all three of the girls are veiled. For as long as they keep them on...

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Jules Xx


What will become of sinners?

I am with Julie on the covering young girls heads. As long as they are old enough to keep it on most of the time. You might try using bobby pins to pin a small circular chapel veil on, this might help keep them from pulling it off.

If they struggle with keeping a headcovering on, offering them an appropriate reward after Mass if they kept the headcovering on might help.

hths,

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Carol S.

Romans 5: 1-11

NIHIL SINE DEO

Well, I received my veils this week. I have been trying them on... I think I should have gotten bigger ones! I got medium sized chapel veils but I fear with all the moving around I do at mass trying to keep the little ones in place it won't stay. I tried pinning it down but thought it looked weird. Oh well. I am going to wear it to daily mass tomorrow and then Sunday Mass... I'm a bit nervous so wish me luck!
I also got ones for my DD (she's 3), she loved trying them on and really liked them, so we'll see if she can keep them on during the whole mass or not.

I'll let everyone know how it goes!!

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Erin
Mother of 3

"Our mission field is the Kingdom of God, and that has no boundaries" -Abbot Francis Pfanner

Same here, and if possible wear veils, not hats, please. I can't see the host through a bunch of hats. Lose the Beehive hairdo's and the Marie Antoinette styles too if you would.

_________________

There will be no sign except for the sign of Jonah.
Call me John S.

John,

From the tone of your post, which I admit is hard to tell over type, it seems to me that you are in some way offended...?


I Cor 11:4ff



Thus, the old feminist arguments that this in some way represents the 'repression' of women, or the fact that men just can't cope with hair in some way are completely out of the question. Yes, initially this was to do with modesty and the standards expected in those times (some of the Church Fathers have a lot to say about women's headcoverings that revealed their ears!) but, like a lot of things, it is primarily about respect for God. Like a lot of minor actions in the Liturgy, it has developed a deeper significance for us.

From a practical point of view, wearing the veil can eliminate a lot of the distractions we experience at Mass - try wearing a pair of blinkers! It also reminds us that we stand in the presence of the Almighty, before Whom cherubim and seraphim veil their faces and cover their eyes.

But the best argument I ever received was from a Muslim woman - Our Lady wore the veil.

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Jules Xx


What will become of sinners?

How am I going to see the body of the Lord through a ostrich feathered sombrero? Has nothing to do with fashion, its about grace.

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There will be no sign except for the sign of Jonah.
Call me John S.

So it has been well over three months since I told everyone I would let you know how it went....Sorry! But on the positive side, I have been veiling for three months now! The first Sunday was awful, horrible! Sorry to say it but it's true. I didn't pin the veil down and between my two kids it was sliding the whole time and I was so embarrassed/distracted. But since then (since I started pinning it) it has been great and I love it.
Anyone who is considering it...go for it, you will not regret it! I guarantee it.

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Erin
Mother of 3

"Our mission field is the Kingdom of God, and that has no boundaries" -Abbot Francis Pfanner

I didn't know people even wore veils, I've never saw anyone at my church wear one I don't think (although I've not been going to church regulary for the past 2 yrs, am from now on though) .

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Daisy

I've been wearing one to Mass and Adoration since February this year. Back in January, I told a consecrated Brother that I understood and appreciated the significance of headcoverings, and I would gladly wear one if it were required, but didn't think I could handle being the only one at Mass wearing one. His response to me was, "Don't be a wuss."

Wearing a mantilla definitely helps with the pride thing, which is the reason I was avoiding it in the first place. What really convinced me were the words of Sr Patricia Therese, OPB, "Why wear the veil?". Unfortunately that link has a headline that shouts "Wear your mantilla with pride" at the top of the website, which is the exact opposite of why a woman should choose to wear a headcovering. . .

Here are other reasons I wear a mantilla, adapted from an insightful post by "leonie" on another forum.

It's a mortification of pride and vanity.

It is a reminder of the proper sense of reverence and piety that should occupy our minds during Mass.

It is a physical expression of submission both to Christ and to a Biblical tradition: 1 Corinthinas 11: 3-16.

It is an expression of admiration for the Virgin Mary who is seldom pictured unveiled.

It is an expression of obedience to a discerned spiritual prompting of the Holy Spirit.

It is a unity with a traditional practice of Catholic women throughout several centuries.

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Rebecca

Rebecca,

I felt attracted to wearing a headcovering, but my husband objected to me doing something that he felt would draw attention to myself. However, after further discussion and reflection I discovered that my husband was uncomfortable specifically with the mantilla, but does not mind several other styles of headcovering, such as hats and scarves. So I have been able to keep my head covered, after all. I have only been doing it a few months now, but find it a very satisfying practice, for several of the reasons you mention.

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Jayne
"To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbour's thoughts, words and deeds in a favourable way." CCC 2478

Hi Jayne,

The first time my husband me in a mantilla, he said, "that is hard-core." Which by the way is the same phrase he uses to describe, say, folks who dress up as Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker and camp out and the opening of the latest Star Wars episode.

We've only had one discussion about it, and that was when I complained about his wearing shorts to Mass once and he pointed at my head and said, "No offense, but more guys will be wearing shorts than women wearing that."

The first mantillas I bought were long, but once I got my hair cut to a chin-length bob, I got some chapel caps from halo-works. Now when I wear a black one, you really can't see it as well since my hair is already dark brown. It's a good low-key one for anyone who wants to wear a mantilla-like headcovering but doesn't want to make a big show of it.

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Rebecca

I can understand your husband's point. To some extent, there is some value in dressing the way that everyone else is. We don't want people thinking about our clothes. And yet, I am not comfortable with much of the clothing that is taken for granted in our culture. What I would like to wear to church is a modest dress and headcovering. Well, I do. But I wish that there were so many women doing so that I wasn't risking drawing attention to myself.

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Jayne
"To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbour's thoughts, words and deeds in a favourable way." CCC 2478

I'm thinking about starting to wear one, now that I'm no longer "on stage" as music director for a parish. I have a short black one and a long white one; the latter was given to me as a Christmas present.

I feel kind of weird about wearing a white veil - age, weight, etc. - but it's long and very graceful, whereas the black one is shorter and kind of "stubby."

What do you think?

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Laura
Soli Deo Gloria
http://lauralowder.wordpress.com

"Since I cannot altogether live the life I would wish for, I must make my actual life better and more fruitful for God and for the souls who have been entrusted to me." Elisabeth Leseur, October 2, 1905

In the older generations of Pentecostal women they all wore hats in church - navy blue being the favourite colour....

_________________
Jack Hawkins, MB Chb, MRCP

Here in the U.S. there are also Protestant Fundamentalists who wear Head Coverings all the time - some sort of bandana or scarf or something on top of their heads. I've always been drawn to it, philosophically, but have never quite gotten into the mode, practically.

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Laura
Soli Deo Gloria
http://lauralowder.wordpress.com

"Since I cannot altogether live the life I would wish for, I must make my actual life better and more fruitful for God and for the souls who have been entrusted to me." Elisabeth Leseur, October 2, 1905