Catholic Online Forum

Hello everybody

A month ago I recieved the saddest news that my daughter died at 40 weeks gestation and I had to give birth to her knowing that she was no longer living. After the shock and now going through the disorganization stage of grief I find myself struggling with my faith. Like Jesus when he was in the cross I find myself asking the same question, why have you God forsaken me. But I'm not Jesus so I don't know how the thing applies to me. I believe God talks through people so I come here I guess hoping God tells me something.

There are some things I understand. God did not wanted this to happen. God only reached up to her because she died. We are bound to the laws of nature and we have to accept the world as it is. So one of the things I don't get is why do we pray that a pregnancy goes okay if really God is not going to do anything to protect that life. Or does it mean that by my baby dying God is protecting her? Does God has anything to do with the dead of my baby? Or is it my baby died because of the evil?

My cousin was announcing the birth of her son and said "God is good and God is wonderful, my sister gave birth and everything alright". After what happened to me I found those words to not make sense. How about me? I don't feel to say "God is good and God is wonderful, my baby died and I had to give birth knowing she was no longer living".

thank you for listening

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-Marie

How sorry I am to hear your sad news.

Grief is so painful especially when a small defenceless child is involved.

I am not going to say the usual expected things. At this stage, others will have said it already and I do not wish to add to your burden of sorrow.
I can only identify with you a little and share my own experience of grief.

When I lost someone very dear to my heart many years ago, I did not quite know how to grieve the death of this loved one. It all seemed so unjust, so unfair.

I was so very angry that this loss had apparently been uneccessary and could have been avoided. I could not understand how God had let this happen.
I saw it as a punishment for my sins.
I felt God was abandoning me.

One evening, I was walking alone and I suddenly had this outburst and I told God that I was angry with Him and how unfair He was (in my mind) to let this happen. I would have even hit him had He been standing before me. The moment I vented my anger at God, tears began to roll like a torrent down my cheeks and I found myself saying almost immediately a jumbled modge podge of sorry and thank you. I knew He had heard me and I knew He had shared my sorrow and pain.
The relief and the warmth of His Merciful Presence beside me in my grief was overwhelming and by the time I got home, I realised that He had wanted me to give my grief straight to Him right from the heart. I knew He understood and was not cross with me for being angry. I began to understand that this is what a part of grieving involves.

I still, to this day do not understand why this person was taken but I do know that God had His own plan in the midst of the tragedy and He would deal with it at His level, which I will never understand fully in this life, and I would now deal with my own life, trusting Him.

I really feel for you in this.

I will be thinking of you and praying for your daughter and for you.
I wish I could do more, but please know, my prayers will be offered up from the heart.

Maria

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Maria

None of us knows why God permits such tragedies but He is all loving and merciful. Please keep your faith and seek solace through Him.

I will pray for you in this time of your deep sadness.

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In Christ,

Jim B

I will consider your position if stated with firm, well-thought-out, quiet reasoning. Hateful diatribe, ad hominem attacks and shouted rhetoric don't impress.

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Mary-Love

Jesus, I trust in You.

With my sympathy and prayers - Joe K.

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- Joe Kelley

Death is only a shadow across the path to Heaven.

I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. You, your husband and family are in my prayers. I don't have an answer to the question of why this happened. What I can tell you is to keep your faith, because it is God who will help you get through this.

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Rebecca

Hey, Nightangel,

Could you do me a huge favor an put a signature on your posts? You can make a permanent one by going into your user profile (in the user control panel) and scrolling down a bit. We like to speak to people who have a name that's like a proper name. It doesn't necessarily have to be a real name, but we like to be able to say Dear Alice or Jack, so we have that rule.

Second of all, I would like to express my sympathy to you. What you're going through stinks. I had to have an ectopic pregnancy surgically removed and then spend a couple of days in the maternity ward, having people look around me to see where the little baby cart was. All of the happy people celebrating births around me were like a personal insult, although they had nothing to do with me. Then I felt guilty for being mad at the happy people, because it wasn't their fault my baby died; it just happened that way.

It's hard to remember that all the babies one hears about at such times have nothing to do with us, and every baby, even your little girl, is a blessing. My ectopic baby and the other one I miscarried are both with God now. They're most likely praying for me and the rest of our family. It's like having private intercessors.

I wouldn't try to make sense of it, because although God's perfect plan will be done, sometimes we make ourselves crazy trying to figure it out. I will say a prayer for you and the soul of your child. May God bless you as you go through this.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

I've never had a child and so cannot even imagine the level of grief you feel. I have nothing to offer in the face of so great a tragedy. I only know that Rose is right and that you shouldn't try to make sense of it. We will never know why God's will works the way it does. I'll certainly keep you, your baby and your family in my prayers.

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Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

Marie,

I am so sorry about your loss. There is nothing harder for a mom than to loose a child, at any stage.

You are not going through this alone. God is with you, has been with you and will stay with you. It's OK to yell at Him and question why.

Our prayers will be with you also during this difficult time in your life. It's good that you are talking about this. If you haven't already done so, find out if your parish, or your doctor, knows of any support groups for moms who have lost a child before birth. It's a difficult time and it helps to be able to talk to - and vent to - someone who has lived through this grief.



That must have been so incredibly painful for you to hear.

What is your little girl's name? I said is because she is alive with God in heaven. While no longer with you, her life - the life that you and your husband helped create - has not ended. Your little girl is with you and always will be.


with prayers,


Effie

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“The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.” –G.K Chesterton

JMJ


Marie: I offer my prayers for you.

Feeling angry is natural. God knows how you feel but remember, your child is now happy in heaven.

You are seperated from her, but she is not dead--she is alive in the next wolrd.

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Peace.. Mary Jo
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles (Isiah 40:32)

My sympathies

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Simon

Oh Marie, Please accept my heartfelt sympathies. 8 years ago I went through almost the very same thing. Her birthday was just this past Saturday. It has been 8 years and I still have days when I feel her absence in very profound ways.

You are the mother of a saint, and while you may not want to think about it now, it really is quite and honor and a privilege to have your very own intercessor in heaven. My husband and I talk about her often. We talk about how our job is to raise our children in a way, so that they get to heaven one day. Our little Mary Kathleen was probably the easiest one but it amounts to a lifetime of heartaches crammed into one very short period. In the beginning (even for months) you will have days when you will not think you are strong enough for it. When you are having these days it is a time to ask her to help her mom. She loves you, and babies and children want their moms to be happy.

I do not believe we are capable of understanding why these things happen but I do know that your faith has sent you here, to a Catholic website, full of people with compassion and full of people that will be praying for you. You will probably not find an answer but perhaps the prayers being said for you will be the rock you will need to lean on the days when it is particularly hard.

You will be in my prayers.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

My sympathies too. I lost a baby at 5 months and it was horribly hard. Still is at odd moments.

Prayers for you.

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K. Ann Seeton

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." --Aristotle (but the concept is found in John Paul II's books The Acting Person and Love and Responsibility as well.)

Quicksilver to Gold
http://hg2au.com

Thank you all for the prayers. The message from Mother Angelica is very powerful. I think she nails it. Thank you for sharing it. I have been told many times about the now you have this angel watching for you and this is something you really don't want to hear at this time. It does seem to me as if people just say it to make you feel better because nobody can understand the depth of this pain unless you have gone through it. But when somebody who has gone through this says it with conviction it does make you think.

Faith is something big. Not only we believe in this God we can't see or prove that is good and loving but we also believe that even if such tragedy happens to you God is still good and loving. It is a lot.

I do go to support groups online where I can share with women who have gone through the same thing. It does help to talk.

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-Marie

Oh forgot to say my daughter's name the one I loss is Emily. I have another daughter who is almost 2 named Abby. Emily passed away to a umbilical cord accident.

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-Marie

Marie

There's nothing I can say to make it less painful.

I've buried two small children.

With two other children we came within a whisker of losing them.

So - two lost and two saved. There's no logic, no explanation, nothing that suddenly explains it. Being told that I have two saints in heaven provides no comfort. I believe it - but I don't want saints in heaven - I want my babies.

There are times though when all we can do is accept our cross. I wish I could make it an easier one to carry, but I can't.

Never forget that Mary, your child's heavenly mother, knows how you feel. Talk to her - pray to her.

Marie,

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now, but I just want to say that Jesus is with you in all of this. Even if you have nothing you want to say to Him, and it seems that He is no longer speaking to you, He will hold you close in silence. You have my prayers.

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Jules Xx


What will become of sinners?

hi, i am also on this site because of unanswerable questions and the constant "WHY?" i believe that when you die you will see your daughter and Jesus and Mary and the Heavenly Father, but until then, its a question of faith, however small,but faith helps. but it's o.k to have doubts, thats part of the journey. i lost my baby and the pain doesn't go away but faith can be comforting. i am a new member. God bless.x

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Carmel