Catholic Online Forum

Hello everybody,

I'm not sure if this is going in the right area but it is to do with my marriage. My husband and I are both Catholic and do our best to follow the Church's teachings on married life. However, one of my husband's sisters (half-sister, actually) makes me uncomfortable with her non-religious beliefs. Specifically, it is an attitude of disrespect towards men (and the men in her and my husband's family.) The best I can illustrate this is with an example - husband and I were with her and she was talking about her friend who wanted to have another baby this year. The friend's husband wanted to wait until next year for another baby. Sister in law talked about 'just poke holes in the condoms, don't tell him and get pregnant', and then explained to us (husband and I) that she took her friend's condoms and put holes in them herself. Firstly, please put aside the issue of contraception/birth control because that is really another issue altogether. What surprised (bothered) me was that 1) she thought it was ok for her friend to be deceitful to her husband and 2) she thought is was ok to step in to another person's marriage and encourage one spouse to be deceitful to the other. Am I over-reacting to this?
I feel uncomfortable at times around this lady, she has also decided to cut off contact with her brother (my husband) and only contact us via me. My husband feels hurt by this because she never offers any communication to him anymore, if she wants to ask him something she asks me instead. There have been problems in the family in the past, but I think it is unfair to silently (without explanation) cut off your own sibling while wanting to be friends with that sibling's spouse. I feel a loyalty towards my husband and feel also disrespected.
I was raised traditionally and deeply Catholic and to always respect brothers, fathers, men in general. We were never allowed to be disrespectful towards men and this makes me uncomfortable. Again, I may be over-reacting.
I'm just asking if anybody has any thoughts on this.

Thankyou everybody.

As we who are married are one flesh, I would tell her kindly that as she has cut off her brother she has equally cut off you and then refuse to take her calls.

It is essential to draw a line because by cutting off her brother but keeping contact with you she is seeking to separate your oneness into two.

I would have none of it. Be polite, but do not put up with her interference in your marriage. Until she is speaking to her brother she is no speaking to you.

Anyway, that is my $.02 worth on the topic and likely overpriced.

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K. Ann Seeton

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." --Aristotle (but the concept is found in John Paul II's books The Acting Person and Love and Responsibility as well.)

Quicksilver to Gold
http://hg2au.com

I agree. And what she did to her friend was totally immoral.

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Nell

"Peace is not the product of terror or fear. Peace is not the silence of cemeteries. Peace is not the silent result of violent repression. Peace is the generous, tranquil contribution of all to the good of all." Archbishop Romero

Thankyou to Nurse Nell and Dove. It has been weighing on my heart and mind and I was unsure of how to approach this due to my background being extremely different, and I have not been around people like this before.

Thanks once again.

I think your sister in law has a problem and I would feel the same (or even worse) than the way you feel.
When a person resorts to lying and deceit then you cannot tell if they are honest about anything they say or do.
She reminds me of one of my family members that has a "control" thing where she needs to feel in control of everything by lying and deceit and whatever it takes- and if she is not allowed to control things then she cuts relationships including family relationships. She tried those control tactics with my immediate family but we would not allow it. She now does not talk to us because we rejected her crooked ways.

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In Christ
Kim, M



"....abstinence and chastity, dispose man very much to the perfection of intellectual operation.” St Thomas Aquinas

"Happywife":

Welcome to COL.

Kindly sign off your posts with a human name -- it need not be your actual one if you want to protect your privacy. As you interact with members of this forum, we need to address you properly, and not by your handle. This is forum policy (See COL Rules and Policies). You can automate your signature by including it in your signature. Go to the top right-hand corner of your screen and click on "User Control Panel" to do this.

Ian De Cotta
COL Forum Staff

You're not overreacting. This woman has some serious problems.



Since we are speaking of a member of your husband's family, you should ask him how he wants you to handle the contacts. As others have said, your relationship with your husband comes first. If she calls you to ask him something, stay out of it.

As Ian mentioned we use people names rather than handles around here. I have to caution you. Don't use your real name (you can make up a name) because you have revealed far too many details about another person. If you hadn't given a relationship it wouldn't be a big deal, but you did so it would be easy for anyone who knows you to know exactly who you are talking about.

Effie

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“The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.” –G.K Chesterton

Thankyou all once again.

I feel a bit more clarity now. Thankyou for the advice. I guess I had a very sheltered upbringing (of which I am grateful to my wonderful parents for.)

I think I have added my name, if it hasn't shown up I apologize for that.

Alicia B.

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Alicia B

Thank you, Alicia, for including your name in your signature, it came out just fine. As Effie has wisely advised, please take care to protect your privacy as this is a public domain. You are detailing information of a sensitive nature, so please be careful not to disclose the real names of people connected to you in your posts.

God bless.

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Ian DC
Blessed Ever Virgin Mary -- Sanctuary and resting-place of the Blessed Trinity where God dwells in greater and more divine splendour than anywhere else in the universe