Catholic Online Forum

I was going to wait for another day, but Dean brought it up so I am going to go ahead and post about it today.

Let me preface this whole post by saying, this is not an attack on my husband. It isn't.
He is a great guy and he would do anything for me, but he bought me something for Mothers Day that will not soon be forgotten.

You know, one time about 20 years ago, I went for the juggler during a fight and called him the worst handy man I ever knew. He was crushed. He still brings it up. This is along those lines. 20 years from now, I will still be talking about it.

For Mothers Day he got me a gift certificate to a local Maid Service. A BIG gift certificate. I opened that up and I could not help myself. I actually started to cry. I can not believe he does not think I maintain this house in a fashion worthy of the family.

This is what I do. This is my only job. I am home 6 hours a day with no children. Maintaining this home is basically my sole purpose and he obviously does not think I keep it at a high enough standard. I work on this home every single day. Now I will admit, I have not gotten to the windows yet this spring and I cant rememebr the last time I vacuumed the lamp shades (New Years maybe?) and I dont have a real dusting day and I have been caught up with an outdoor project BUT the floors are vacuumed daily, the beds are always made, the sheets are changed every week, the bathrooms are cleaned twice a week. The kitchen is almost always picked up, as of this morning the refrigerator is spotless (though not because I wanted to) I do let it go after school and dont hit it again until after dinner but it is not that bad. There are days I would die if you stopped by but I usually have a decent reason for it. I pick it up before I go anywhere in case I run into someone and want to invite them back to the house.

So what do you think? Would you be offended? Would your feelings be hurt? I feel like he looked around the house and said, "What could I get her? What could she use?" and he came up with a cleaning lady.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Elizabeth,

I can relate to what you are saying. I do all the housework in my home, once a week because I have a day job, and I know how tiring it gets. My verdict is I prefer my day job any time to house work, so I can imagine what you go through and would really cry if I were in your shoes.

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Ian DC
Blessed Ever Virgin Mary -- Sanctuary and resting-place of the Blessed Trinity where God dwells in greater and more divine splendour than anywhere else in the universe

Good. I was dying to know, but I didn't want to beg.

Are you kidding? No. No.

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Grace

As to the past, let us entrust it to God's mercy, the future to Divine Providence. Our task is to live holy the present moment. - Saint Gianna Molla

Well, obviously I can't speak for the wife whose husband gave her a maid service gift certificate but I do know that if I bought one for my wife, it wouldn't be because I didn't think my wife did a good job of maintaining the house.

It would be because I understand and appreciate how hard that job is and I would want to give her a bit of a break.

I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that is why he did it.

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In Christ,

Jim B

I will consider your position if stated with firm, well-thought-out, quiet reasoning. Hateful diatribe, ad hominem attacks and shouted rhetoric don't impress.

Elizabeth,

Your husband is not saying you are incompetent, he is just trying to give you a break from your labors. He is saying, "I know you work really hard, so here is a helping hand to ease your burden."

I think it has been mentioned before - the trouble with women is that they are always looking for a hidden message.

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David L (CA)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

Elizabeth,

I understand how you feel, but I do think Jim makes an excellent point
As for me I would love for someone else to clean my home once in a while

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Line

"I can do anything through Christ crucified, for I know truly that He does not lay a heavier load on His creatures than they can bear."
~ St. Catherine of Siena

Our Father does not inspire us to do what cannot be done

My wife would be ecstatic and I would be a big hero. The problem is I bet the hired help would take one look in the house and call for backup and ask for a bigger check, or the person would just walk out and not return. We had a painter do that once.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Tell you what, Elizabeth. You hire that maid for your house and, while she is cleaning your house, you can come over to mine and apply your skills.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

I think Jim and David have it right.



Besides, maybe your husband thinks that with all that time freed-up, you can make back twice the money hiring out to COLers as a professional consultant on cleaning out garages and storage rooms.

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Rob

I dont really have any skills, I just have big black garbage bags.

Today I kind of feel bad for him because I started crying and he kept saying "What? What?".

I tried to tell him how I viewed it and he kept saying that I can pick and choose what I use the money for. I can use it in four or five installments just to have them scrub the kitchen and foyer floor and clean the bathrooms if I want. Cleaning the floors is definitely the job I hate the most so I may use it for that.

The gift has me scrutinizing every corner of the house today. I am vacuuming the blinds tomorrow.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Elizabeth, I would take it as others have suggested - as a vacation. He sees how tremendously hard you work, and he is giving you a break. I don't think in any way was this an insult to your domestic abilities. He's probably hurt that you took it that way.

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Rebecca

my garage is a mess right now. My husbands work bench part of it is pristine though (of course). I have softball equipment everywhere not to mention 10,000 pairs of shoes.

My storage room is awesome though.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

I think he was and it was not my intenetion to make him feel bad. Believe me. It was just so shocking to me.

I try to maintain this house in a way that he or the kids can bring people by any time they want and not be embarrassed.

I think it is my own insecurities. I do not work outside the home and I have no kids to care for during the day anymore so I try to be the domestic person (minus the cooking of course) to give my day some meaning.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

By the way, I could never hang with you cleaning-wise. I've had a maid since before there was a child in our home. She comes once a month to do all the stuff you describe. I keep things picked up and the kitchen clean between visits and break out the vacuum cleaner about once a week, but dusting, mopping and bathroom cleaning only happens once a month here. I once tried to do the flylady thing, and her schedule is a full-time job in itself. I took what tips I could use and then hired a maid.

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Rebecca

I think your husband is awesome, a hero! Probably the only gift he could give you to ease your burden and it upsets you, shame on you.

Schedule the maid in on days that someone will be home, and take thyself to a nice 3 or 4 day retreat.

Seriously, Your husband was just trying to give you some time off from your labors.

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Bob C

Huh. I can see it from two angles, first of all that he's acknowledging that it's a big job to keep the house and he wants to give you a break.

I understand why you might wonder if it was a comment on your skills, too.

Seems like, after 20+ years, you would both know what the other was thinking on something like that, though. However, I see the situation from an entirely different POV to yours, of course.

It's one of those things... when we were saying our wedding vows, my husband got so happy that he choked up. I was so happy that I giggled. Don't you know that's a bone of contention.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

My husband just sent me this email. The caption on the picture said.

"And that my dear students is the formula for understanding women."

It made me laugh.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

You would think. However, nothing like that has even ever been close to coming up before.
It was weird and maybe hormonal.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Thank God for the celibate priesthood!!!!!!!!!!

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Sincerely in Christ,
Fr. Angel

As I was trying to say, it's easy for us to see what was going on as "Monday quarterbacks". When you're in the middle of something, there's not always time to check our reactions and process what it all means.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Okay I actually howled on that one!

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Rebecca

Rebecca:

Thank you for your sense of humor. I was afraid of a tarring and feathering for that joke (mabe I'm still in for one).

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Sincerely in Christ,
Fr. Angel

Similar for us. We use a service. You can set all sorts of schedules. For us, two ladies come in every other week on a light cleaning blitz for a couple of hours. It makes all the difference that we can do certain tasks to whatever degree on a given day or week without fearing the whole thing will fall behind.

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Rob

Think SOY

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Bob C

I thought it was hilarious

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Bob C

My first thought is that your husband was trying to do something nice and give you a break from the day to day cleaning. If you have other projects, like outside, maybe he thought you could give more time to other projects and not be bogged down with the cleaning.

I think it would be great if you use the service for some cleaning you'd like to get a break from doing. Or if you have a busy week coming up and will be busy with kid stuff, say at the end of the school year when there's special activities or if you have a busy summer week where you'd rather focus on other things use the maid service to your advantage.

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Judas was the first to leave mass early

I told him tonight that I was totally wrong and everyone thought I should really appreciate it. He said it was not about right or wrong it was just kind of sad that he had no idea it would get that sort of reaction.

My sister says I am acting like a spoiled brat. She said, "For crying out loud, he didn't get you a certificate for laser hair removal for your mustache or anything like that. Call the service and enjoy the freedom."

I have to really appreciate someone that can just call me out like that and not be worried I may never talk to her again.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

and from the back of the room comes a lovely female voice, "and THAT just serves to prove that men over simplify."

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K. Ann Seeton

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." --Aristotle (but the concept is found in John Paul II's books The Acting Person and Love and Responsibility as well.)

Quicksilver to Gold
http://hg2au.com