Catholic Online Forum

This is definitely a "man is the head of household" house. Honestly, that works for me 95% of the time. If nothing else, I can blame him for everything.... but every once in a while.......

2 1/2 days ago we had one of those "discussions". After a lengthy exchange of opinions, he finally stated, "This matter is closed, end of discussion". Which of course made me wonder how I ever fell for and married and had children with someone who is so clearly insane. But being the woman I am, I walked away and tried to tell myself that it was all good.

Well, I slept on it and still woke up irritated. I kept waiting for him to blurt out something like "You know what, I had a bad day yesterday, you were right. That should be fine". Never came.

Second day.....I wake up. I am still irritated. I am making him scrambled eggs and trying to smile sweetly when I can't take it anymore. I bring it up gently. His answer. "This is not worth ruining Friday. It is simply not something we need to re-visit". Holy cow. I so wanted to burn his eggs.

Anyhow, I am asking a question in all sincerity. How do you get past this? I am truly frustrated and more than a little bit irritated right now and I am ready to chuck this whole head of household thing. What do you do when you are so exasperted?

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

When it's a moral error, I cannot allow my husband to be wrong or to keep a wrong attitude. His soul, and the souls of the other seven people in our home, depend upon his being in the right on such things. I have to pick at it, chosing my moments carefully. That's hard work, to nag without being hostle or emotional.

If it's something that's not truly consequential, I have to let it go and hope that he'll see where he's wrong.

_________________
Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Elizabeth and Rose,

Of course, you are both assuming that he is wrong.

_________________
David L (CA)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

It is definitely not moral. I asked, he approved, tickets were bought and now he has safety concerns. It makes me tighten my jaw.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Actually, not exactly wrong. He is being ridiculous.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

I just had to come back to this. Sorry. How? How do I let it go when it is really bothering me so much?

I dont want it to ruin the weekend, but I have a strong feeling that whatever face I put forward, it will be a mask for the next few days.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Did you actually read my post? I know you're just being a smart-alec, but when it gets to this level, I have to consider this question and if I'm going to be willing to make an issue of it, I'm absolutely sure that my position is the best of all possible correct answers, and I'll have references to support my position.

Marriage is too precious. If it's not a hill worth dying on, then it's not worth seriously arguing with my husband over it. (It might be worth a playful dig now and then, but that's a different dynamic. )

_________________
Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

You've had a plate full of mess lately, and it must be hard to deal with even small disagreements these days. In that position, I might admit as much to my husband, just to have it out there that we know we might not be at our best right now.

I wouldn't be able to let it go, either. In the movie Fools Rush In, there's this cute scene where Salma Hayak tells Matthew Perry, "Your not my favorite person right now," and they go to neutral corners. It's so baldly honest, and it fits that sort of situation.

_________________
Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Will this work? Ask yourself if it will matter a year from now, or in ten years, or in fifty.
Hhmmm... a safety concern. In my family, if a man were concerned about safety or risk, I would sit up and take notice, since I tend to be the worrier who imagines all sorts of dreadful things happening while the guys blithely do all sorts of risky stuff.

_________________
Grace

As to the past, let us entrust it to God's mercy, the future to Divine Providence. Our task is to live holy the present moment. - Saint Gianna Molla

I was going to California for a short trip (long weekend) and I was going to sightsee and travel the Pacific Coast Highway just to say I had done it. The more he thought about it, the more nervous he became.

As of this morning, he is willing to go with me. Not the same as renting a convertible and riding around with two girls but it is what it is.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

I'm sorry things didn't work out exactly as you planned but hope you hit us on a dry weekend and have a wonderful time. Reassure him that our homicide rate is down to where it was years and years ago (I forgot how low and how long ago) and there are no drive bys on PCH.

_________________
Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

_________________
Grace

As to the past, let us entrust it to God's mercy, the future to Divine Providence. Our task is to live holy the present moment. - Saint Gianna Molla

Oh and just in case I was sounding like a spoiled brat. ........my daughter is in California. She had been ill and a long, long story, my mom decided doctors in California could help her. She will be fine and I was going out with her best friend and we were going to have one of those mother/daughter/girl adventure things we were going to talk about for a long time.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Well then. The Pacific Coast Highway is not to be missed. And it is not particularly dangerous. When you see a sign announcing a curve in the road, with a speed limit for the curve, obey. On the topic of safety, also, swimming is only for the very strong and fit. It is really an astonishing beauty, all day long, and near sunset the most beautiful scene I have ever encountered.

_________________
Charles MacKenzie

"For nature is one with rapine, a harm no preacher can heal;
The Mayfly is torn by the swallow, the sparrow spear'd by the shrike,
And the whole little wood where I sit is a world of plunder and prey."
-Tennyson

Is it possible that with everything going on, your husband wants to have some time away from home and to see your daughter, too?

_________________
Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Now that I stop to think about it, I would say yes. He rarely takes vacation days and he travels a lot with work so it didn't even really cross my mind. But you are exactly right, it has been a long drawn out six months and it is time we can breathe easy again. I do not blame him for wanting to be part of this little celebrate life thing we had planned.

I think he is also hurt that she does not want to come rushing back home. She is feeling so much better and loves the weather and scenery, I think he is afraid we lost her before she was supposed to leave for college at 18.

I even think that my friends stroke had something to do with it. Her husband is my husbands friend as well. I think they had some of those soul searching, dose of reality talks recently.

I was just going so crazy because I knew people were in his ear about me doing that on my own. I also thought he was going to waste a lot of money on that non-refundable ticket I bought. I felt like a teenager that was asking for the car for a spring break road trip or something.

It's all good. She is even excited about all the company coming to visit her. The hotels we will be staying in will be a little different than what she has become accustomed to though.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

My youngest sister went for a job interview in Southern California. My dad said he could tell by the way she giggled over the phone that she was never coming back.

Of course, she was 23 or 24 at the time, not 18.

_________________
Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

I was stationed twice in S. California. Once as a youngster and several years later after being married. I did not care for S. California at all.

_________________
Bob C

Statements like these and the things I have been looking at on the internet make me believe, I may not want to come back either. I can't wait to go. It looks gorgeous.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Good husbands make decisions with the best interests of all those involved in mind. They are usually right.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

I take it you had a good time in CA? Good for you!

_________________
Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Ahem...

_________________
David L (CA)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

I know, I know. But I want to point out that when I started this thread it was not a moral issue and it was not about right and wrong. This thread for me, was about.....When it is going against every grain in your body, and you have previously stated that you are a husband is the head of household, final say type of house, how do you get past it when you just dont want to?


Wonderful time. Wonderful. So glad I got to enjoy it with my husband. The kids really wanted to do their own thing and experience that crazy place on their own. (all walking of course). And truth be told........I would have croaked on those highways.

When I get a chance. I want to post some questions about the Diocese of LA. For instance, why are Chihuahua's allowed in Mass. Why are the gay and lesbian outreach programs so popular and full of activities? Things like that? Oh, and why didn't any L.A. people warn me about Venice Beach?

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Service chihuahuas are allowed at Mass, of course. What service was it providing? Perhaps accessory support for the fashion-disabled?

_________________
Rob

Elizabeth,

Pay no attention to the man from Massachusetts.

I have never seen a Chihuahua at Mass.

I have no experience with the gay & lesbian outreach programs. How did you determine that they are popular and full of activities?

I thought Venice Beach was famous (or infamous) around the world.

Did you make it to Fr. Angel’s church for Mass. If so, is that where you saw the Chihuahua?

Too bad you couldn't stay for my concert Sunday.

_________________
David L (CA)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

Quite an admission, Elizabeth. I believe that good spouses also admit when their other was right. Kudos to you.

_________________
Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Trust me. It interrupted the consecration. We are still talking about it.

Well, in the bulletin from the church we went to, it had three different activities to sign up for. I honestly could not tell if it was a "let us help you with that heavy cross" type of organization or something else. That made me want to pick up a bulletin from another church just to see what they do in the area and found another outreach program.

Never heard of it, never want to go back. Wow, I needed to wash my eyes out when I left.

I was in L.A. Sunday. I thought your thing was Tuesday. I would have gone to it. Sunday was a slow day. Seriously.

I dont know which one it was. I did not get enough details before I left. Typical me. Let's just wing it.


Thank you Dean. Guess what else? I was woman enough to even say that to his face.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Was this church in Hollywood?


Concert is this coming Sunday, the 14th.


Fr. Angel is not in L.A., he is two or three hundred miles north. I thought you might have driven up that way. I'm pretty sure he only allows German Shepherds at Mass.

_________________
David L (CA)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

LOL

_________________
Grace

As to the past, let us entrust it to God's mercy, the future to Divine Providence. Our task is to live holy the present moment. - Saint Gianna Molla

David, surely Father Angel would make an exception for two calm, lovely, well-mannered Golden Retrievers.

_________________
In Christ,

Jim B

I will consider your position if stated with firm, well-thought-out, quiet reasoning. Hateful diatribe, ad hominem attacks and shouted rhetoric don't impress.

Elizabeth,

I hope you got to go a lot further north than Venice to check out the coastline up there.

Never occurred to me that there are people who don't love Venice. We always bring visitors from out of state there.

What church did you attend?

I'm so glad you had a good time.

_________________
Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

We stayed in Santa Monica and we went to Malibu one day and someplace further. Just drove the PCH to be doing it.

OMGosh!!! Are you serious?!! That was the bizarrest scene I have ever been witness too. My kids thought it was hilarious the first ten minutes and then the scene started to unnerve even them. I was going to visit one of the 10 kush doctors on the boardwalk for my high strung nerves after about 20 minutes. My husband and I kept looking at each other wondering if our kids should be seeing that, and we had the teenagers with us.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Elizabeth,

I don't love Venice but I go there with visitors who always want to see it. It was even weirder in the 60's-70's so I'm just used to it....it doesn't seem that strange to me anymore.

I'm glad you went up PCH and through Malibu ---I love it there and always go to a little beach in Malibu. Home sweet home...it's why it's hard for me to imagine leaving California though hard for me to imagine being here twenty years from now when it's even more crowded. Don't see myself as a little old lady driving those freeways.

_________________
Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

Does it get weirder than bodybuilders in thongs on roller skates?

I wouldnt leave either. Start thinking of a plan right now. Just dont pitch a tent at Venice Beach.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Oh yeah. Thong bikini hot dog vendors




I can't imagine ever going back. Lived there twice, and turned down a third opportunity. I like ground that doesn't move.

_________________
Bob C

I've been out here nearly 40 years, worked in El Segundo for overten of those years, and have never been to Venice Beach. Probably have seen it on the news or in TV shows.

_________________
- Joe Kelley

Death is only a shadow across the path to Heaven.

Some years ago I worked here as liaison for a Massachusetts lab. Talking to one of the guys in the East, as they were digging out of their second or third major March blizzard, he commented, "You know earthquakes are not that bad. You don't have to shovel them out of your driveway every week." Add to that no bugs and no hurricanes.

_________________
- Joe Kelley

Death is only a shadow across the path to Heaven.

Mudslides, forest fires and Santa Anna sand storms make up for the lack of occasional hurricanes.

_________________
Bob C

When we were driving along the coast, we could not help but notice the steep enbankments. Do you drive that highway when it is raining? How do those rocks not come tumbling down at any given moment? Why do people build houses ten feet from the edge?

Still, it was absolutely gorgeous. I would go back in a heartbeat.

_________________
Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Oh it's beautiful country, but not for me.

_________________
Bob C

Elizabeth,



They do...but only occasionally.

During the '94 quake a huge boulder came right now through a woman's house in Pacific Palisades. Miraculously she wasn't harmed though the home was of course a complete loss.

You no doubt drove through areas where entire hillsides of homes were destroyed in various fires. There is one particular area in the heart of Malibu where many homes visible from PCH were destroyed several years ago. All those hillsides that you drove by are partly what burn when you hear about fires in Malibu. Also, did you drive through any of the canyons? Can't imagine that you did as the only reason would be to get to the San Fernando Valley and I'm sure you didn't have time to experience the wonders of the valley. But, I always take visitors through the canyons...it's spectacular.

_________________
Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict