Catholic Online Forum

Before anyone says "you cannot have a Catholic wedding on the beach," let me just say that is not true. In Mexico, they will do weddings in the church OR on a beach. Not anywhere else, but the beach is okay.

We are getting married in May. We want the wedding to be beautiful and don't want people to travel and then have a wedding in a church that could be anywhere in the world.

It is important to me to have a Catholic wedding. It's a sacrament and i want it to be recognized by the Church. My fiancee and i were both baptized and confirmed, and though he is not a believer anymore. I definitely am and it is important for my wedding to be recognized in the eyes of God.

Problems:
1. We do not currently belong to a parish, but will join one just to get the marriage recognized. I go to church sometimes (not as regularly as I should), but it's always different churches because I am not thrilled about any of them in my immediate neighborhood.
2. I do not know if I will get an American Bishop to approve a Mexican wedding on the beach.

Can anyone here tell me what to expect?

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Mae Glutz

I need to please ask you to sign your posts with a real name. We do not use Handles in this forum. Signatures can be automated in the user control panel (upper right corner).


I would recommend that you go to your local parish and speak to the pastor (or his designated representative) about your wedding plans. He would be better able to guide you through the steps.

Frankly, I cannot understand why a catholic wedding is so important if you don't attend church. Yes it is a Sacrament and yes you should have the grace of that sacrament, but why trouble yourself if you don't attend church anyway?

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Bob C

thanks, i have edited my signature.
well, i believe that what's in my heart is more important than where i am. i work until 5:30 am on saturday nights. asleep by 6 am. the neighborhood i live in, all the catholic churches are polish, ukranian and spanish speaking-- with one english mass very early in the morning. while this is not a good EXCUSE-- when i have children, i plan to take them to church every week. i want them to grow with teh same values and spirituality my mom made sure I got. i have catholic beliefs, i am not the best catholic-- but i am catholic. i think i am like many people in their twenties-- they dont go to church for a while.

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Mae Glutz

I am not sure I understand what you are saying here. If it is in Mexico any approval would have to be by the bishop of the Mexican diocese I think.

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- Joe Kelley

Death is only a shadow across the path to Heaven.

Mae, I second Bob's advice to see a priest. Regarding Mass, could you just stay up after work Sunday morning and go straight to the early Mass on Sunday? If not, is there a Saturday evening Mass you could attend?

I highly recommend starting to keep the precepts of the Church (the minimum you need to do to have a spiritual pulse) now, rather than waiting "until you have children." Not to be morbid, but imagine if you died before then, and weren't in the state of grace. Do yourself a favor and begin practicing your faith now.

Bob, I was in a similar boat Mae is in when I married at age 26. I didn't go to Mass weekly and hadn't been to confession since high school, but for some reason it was important to me to get married in the Church. When I got my act together a few years later, returning to confession and regular Mass, I was thankful that I didn't have to deal with an invalid marriage. I do, however, regret not having gotten my act together BEFORE I got married.

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Rebecca

Mae,

Let's take a look at your situation, with items in order of urgency:

First off, you really need to join a parish. If your heart is driving you toward the Catholic Church, that's awesome! But, even though you're working toward developing the consistency that brings you to Mass each Sunday, you need to be part of a parish community before you're at that point. Think of it this way -- you're much more likely to try harder to get to Mass each week, if you feel part of a community: without that community bond, you're very likely to just shrug it off and say, "eh, I'll go next week". So, if you're truly interested in embracing your Catholicism -- and that's the hinge of your whole argument about a Catholic wedding -- then you need to become a parishioner. Now!

(Of course, once you join the parish where you live, if you find that a neighboring parish's demographic is more comfortable for you, or has Mass in English more often, then there's no problem going to Mass there. However, you have to keep in mind that a parish isn't like a fitness club: you don't shop for the best one and invest there; a parish is a geographical entity -- you are a parishioner where you live!

Next: getting married. Let's suppose that you join a parish, get involved, and start building friendships and relationships there. Now, when you get married, what's really going on? Theologically, you're making a statement, before God and those around you, to commit to this man for as long as you should live. In other words, you're making your commitment in front of a group of people! Let's put it this way: if you were to decide that forever and evermore, you were only ever going to buy Honda cars, where would you make that promise? In the next state over, where no one would ever see you anymore? They'd just look at you and be like, "uh, whatever. woo." Or, wouldn't you do it in the context of where you live your life -- among your friends and family and neighbors? That way, your commitment would build up your community -- folks would be like, "Look at Mae over there -- she really believes that Hondas are the best car out there, and she's putting her money where her mouth is!" (On the other hand, making the commitment in your community helps your neighbors build you up, too -- if they ever see you looking at a Ford, they'll be able to stand by you, and help you remember the promises you made!

OK -- pretty stretched example, but the principle holds: you marry where you live (i.e., in your parish), because you're proclaiming your commitment in front of family, friends, and very importantly, before the community in which you live your life.

So, that's the way the Church sees it -- in general, you should be getting married in your parish. So, it really doesn't matter what they do down in Mexico (since that isn't your community) -- the community standard to look at is the one where you live.

Now, there are opportunities to get permission to have the marriage elsewhere, but they're supposed to keep that dynamic in mind -- are you looking for a community that you hold dear, or are you simply looking for a "destination wedding"?

So, (1) join a parish first. Then, (2) check with the pastor -- let him know that you're starting to plan a wedding, and would like to talk with him about it.

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Larry

When I found your words, I devoured them; they became my joy and the happiness of my heart, Because I bore your name, O LORD.

-- Jeremiah 15:16

maybe this is the wrong attitude (in fact i am sure it is), but the parish i grew up at (st john neumann in bryn mawr, pa), had the most wonderful monsignor (Monsignor James Meehan). he was engaging, loving, thoughtful and his word really lifted me. i haven't found this at any of the visits to different parishes i've made in my neighborhood in nyc. honestly, i dont feel a connection with any of them. some of them are foreign and only do the english mass (to satisfy a requirement for the city?) and I can barely understand what they are saying or am not able to pay attention.
to go to mass just to satisfy an obligation, is the same as not going to mass at all-- to me.
i recently went to a "catholic community" church in maryland and during mass they held hands at many parts, never kneeled, and had these "contemporary" rock songs in place of traditional hymns. it just felt weird and distracting.

i know these things shouldnt matter, but to me it doesn't feel right. i dont know.

i just dont believe that people that go to mass regularly are necessarily better catholics than those that dont. if i had a parish i was excited about, i might go regularly. for now i am just looking to the future. i want to do things as correctly as possible NOW, even if i am not doing them to the best of my ability.

i also dont like to go to church alone. my fiancee will only go with me on holidays. i know, people will say i should reconsider getting married, but he is a good man. he is an adult and has made his decisions-- hopefully they will change. i cannot control him, but i can do my best with our future family.

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Mae Glutz

Mae, try looking at your not attending Mass from Jesus's point of view.

Read the short Reflection of the Passion of Jesus Christ by Father Vincent Serpa at this link:
http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=6112837

Jesus endured all this for you, and you're telling Him that in return, it's asking too much of you to go to Mass once a week and endure a boring priest with an accent?

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Rebecca

it's definitely not to much to ask, but my point is if i cannot pay attention or do not "get" anything out of the homily, then how is attending church "valid." just being there in BODY is not enough or better than being there at all, in my opinion.

anyway, i just joined a parish (10 minutes ago) and they have an english mass at noon that i will try to attend (and fall back asleep afterwards) and see if my attitude changes.

anyway, i just wanted to clarify, getting married in mexico is not merely for a trendy, destination purpose. my dad lives there. all of my relatives are italian and will be coming from italy to attend my wedding, and i wnat to make the trip ($$$) worthwhile for them in a vacation sense-- for them to go somewhere warm and beautiful that they've never had an opportunity to go to before and for the WHOLE gigantic family to get together and spend some quality time with each other, which they haven't done in a while.

anyway, i am looking forward to the Father's phone call.

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Mae Glutz

Don't go to get something out of the homily. Go for the infinite grace available to you in the Eucharist.


That is a start, and I'm glad to hear it. I began by dragging myself to Mass even when I didn't want to go, too. I soon found that I loved it, even when Mass was offered by the boring priest with the difficult to understand accent.



Thank you for sharing this. I know a number of Catholics in invalid marriages all because they wanted to get married outdoors or on a beach and hired a random Protestant minister (or Justice of the Peace) to officiate.



You have my prayers!

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Rebecca