Have you applied for RICA, Kay
Actually, I think that God has really given you a great opportunity here. Consider yourself to be a Christian back in the era of intense Roman persecution. Many of the martyrs weren't even converted back then, but we can be sure they made it to heaven.
I know, modern priests are very strange in their encouragements but I must tell you: Refrain from the Eucharist unless or until you're converted.
Receiving Holy Communion without meeting the prerequisites constitutes as a grave sin.
I like the Spiritual Communion that Pia
has recommended to you, however, the 'official' version is this:
An Act of Spiritual Communion
My Jesus, I believe that you are in the Blessed Sacrament. I love you above all things, and I long for you in my soul. Since I cannot now receive you sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. As though you have already come, I embrace you and unite myself entirely to you; never permit me to be separated from you.
You'll find that a number of Catholic prayers have different variations, they're OK but try using the 'official' prayers. You can find some 'official' versions in various Church Documents.
Regarding your husband, apologetics don't work for the uninitiated. 'Hearing they hear not; see the vision, know and understand not.' You could try praying some Biblical prayers with him, like the Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55), for example.
I know (as I live in a family of 100% Muslims) that reconciling one's religion to one's family is a really tough thing, but there comes a time when you start thinking of it as a cross and happily embrace it. Generally, the rule is this: when he speaks all those things against your religion, just smile. If you engage in debate, he'll get aggressive, so just smile and it keeps things at peace. Think of Jesus when they hurled insults at Him all the way from the Sanhedrin trial to Calvary. The Sermon on the Mount should further help you.
The Rosary is the thing you can rely on. The Rosary is known for its ability to bring peace in turbulent homes, and for the conversion of even the most hardened of Anti-Catholics.
I suggest that you ask the Blessed Mother for Her intercession. Problem is, we have Patrons for almost everybody but no official Patron saint for conversions. However, the intercession of Saint Monica has often been invoked for situations like the one you are in. She was the woman who, for several long years, prayed constantly for the conversion of her family and she suffered many hard times due to her religion. She succeeded at last not by long debates, or by aggressive persuasions but ONLY by prayer. We call her son Augustine of Hippo, Doctor of the Church.
Here are some resources on her:http://www.americancatholic.org/Feature ... px?id=1120http://www.ewtn.com/library/mary/monica.htm
Keeping peace at home is the key, remember, every once a while, being human, your temper betrays you, they'll link it to Roman Catholicism. Every once a while you do anything 'unCatholic,' they'll mock you for it. So be on your guard. It'll see, that they only pick on your religion when you're being human and whenever you're being a creature called to great saintliness, they'll call you
good without ever recognising what brought about the good.
However, be assured, you husband, your friends, and everybody against your religious inclinations DO TAKE NOTICE of your good deeds and they DO KNOW what caused them. They just get too ashamed to tell it to you.
The Prayer of Saint Augustine (yeah, I've got a fascination with the entire family!) is something you should consider:
Breathe in me O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy;
Act in me O Holy Spirit that my works, too, may be holy;
Draw my heart O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is Holy;
Strengthen me O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy;
Guard me then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy;
Saint Francis said:
"Preach the Gospel Always, if necessary, use words!"
I can't stress it enough, you need to be a totally new person. If you're thinking, 'Yeah, like my husband/friends just heard about my faith 'bout yesterday!' then, the time to be holy is NOW. You know, it won't be dangerous even if you tell these folks you're gonna 'tune' your life into a more 'holy' living. They'll know what you mean.
...and, do ever be on the defensive. Anti-Catholics can tell exactly when a Catholic is being on the defensive. Try to appear indifferent, I know, the temptation is strong and the provocations ample, but never get into open debate or even discussion for now. When the time comes, the Holy Spirit will guide you.
There are plenty of resources on the internet that show how biblical/early Christian the Catholic Mass is. To name a few:http://whydocatholicsdothat.com/catholic_masshttp://catholic-resources.org/Bible/Bib ... _Texts.htmhttp://www.davidmacd.com/catholic/catho ... l_text.htmhttp://www.anawim.pair.com/CATHOLICS/CA ... 20MASS.htmhttp://www.davidmacd.com/catholic/mass.htm
Having Mary, the Rosa Mystica (Mystical Rose), comes at a small price: you get the rose, but the thorns are still there. No wonder one of the Early Fathers rightly compared Her as a Rose among thorns. They'll tell you many things against Her, but you'll notice that if you can ever have a really life changing event, caused by a human, it would the humble acceptance of the humble Mary. I recommend that you use a prayer of consecration to Her.
You must preach by example of your life and the best model is Mary. (I say 'preach' because salvation can be really contagious!) Accept the Cross and come behind Jesus. Like Mary did on the Via Cricis. Jesus doesn't promise His true followers great statistical numbers or honours or worldly riches: instead, He prepares you for the worst, so in Him you may become the best. Not that I'm anti-Protestant, but frankly, Jesus doesn't exist outside the Church of Rome. Does Jesus visit most protestant Churches every morning and evening? He does in the Catholic Churches, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity.
This might help: http://www.jehannedarc.org/marks.html
Finally, this might help you on the way: http://www.jehannedarc.org/whycatholic.html
Remember, (and this is important), there are
times when you really feel like some Martian Alien living amongst humans or vice-versa and you really feel alone. However, there are more than 16,000 canonised (not counting the non-Canonised) saints, Mary, innumerable Angels, your Guardian Angel, and the Trinuine God who are always with you. Plus, you've got more than ONE BILLION Catholics who, in one way or the other, pray for you.That's a lot of people, isn't it?