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This post is, for the most part, coming from a stay at home moms perspective, but for those that work, add to it if you think your role is changing as well.

My neighbor and I were discussing this economy and the pressures our husbands are facing. Especially here in Michigan, we get the feeling that our existence, as we know it could change on a moments notice.

We also were talking about how our roles as wives and mothers seem to be changing.

Our men are under intense pressure. To make sure they make it through every cut they need to put in extra hours, be extra diligent, do the work of 3 people because 2 others have been let go but the same amount of work remains. In the meantime, they have families that depend on them to be at the games, to get rides from, to help with homework. They feel the pressure to get home at a certain time for dinner or in the "old days" relieve the wife.

In our house, we have come up with a few solutions. My neighbor and I also tripped over a couple of obvious helpers in one of our sidewalk chats.

My husband and I have agreed that Tuesday and Thurday will be the "work as long as you feel you need to" day. No pressure to get home, get done what you need to get done so you have breathing room at work the next day. I pack him two lunches so he is not starving when he comes in at the end of the day. There are a couple of days where it would be impossible for him to be later than 6:30 so I need him here and like clockwork he is here.

In the old days, I did not pack him lunches but now I carefully pack up left overs from the night before in a loving guesture that is actually a ruse to keep him from buying $7 sandwiches at the deli;) That is part of the budget tightening.

I am trying to save for six months worth of bills in liquid money in the event of layoff. I show him that every so often just to make him feel better.

My neighbors and I have bartered and traded pitching & hitting intructions for tutoring and piano lessons. This discussion started after my neighbor talked about how sad her daughter was that pitching lessons had to go. For crying out loud, that is one of my only talents, but my time goes to homework help with Ian. Well guess what? This is the same neighbor that taught Ian last summer and she was more than willing to get him thru homework. My other neighbor jokingly wanted to know if I would trade batting intructions for her son for piano lessons for anyone at my house. Guess what? I did!!

In a show of solidarity we are becoming our sisters keepers, because we need each other more than ever and our husbands need some kind of relief. Our husbands need to know we can hold down the fort and the expenses while they concentrate on keeping their jobs.

We joke about it but we are also still exploring different things we could do. Has anyone else felt their roles changing or just life in general changing?

I am just curious.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Elizabeth,

As you know my life has changed dramatically as a result of the loss of my job but what I've learned in this economy is the extraordinary generosity of so many in my life. Last week, my best friend walked into my house (to take me to the theater) happened to see a utility bill on my desk and simply picked it up and said she'd pay for it. An unknown donor at church is paying for me to attend our annual RCIA retreat. I've been taken to movies, lunches, dinners, operas and nobody ever wants me to drive anywhere because of gas. There have been other, more subtle types of help from some of my church friends who have quietly gone about arranging all the things I used to help arrange so they could spare me expense. Another unknown donor paid my CDA dues. They've given me hope and made me grateful which always, I think leads one closer to God in experiencing God's love through our neighbors.

I hope you don't mind that I'm not married.

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Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

Elizabeth,

I wonder how much of that was normal in the days before the prosperity of the 1950's. What you have described sounds pretty much like what neighborhoods were like back in the day. Certainly it sounds a lot like the world my grandparents grew up in a small town in the 1920's and 1930's.

Now adays it seems as though every family is an island. I barely know the neighbors to each side of me more than to wave at and it's kind of sad. I think you're developing the sorts of ties that you and your kids will come to appreciate.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Since my son is grown and also my stepsons.......so, I can't really share how my role has changed.
BUT! I do have to say this is a BEAUTIFUL post, Elizabeth!
I know things are tough all over, but Michigan has been hit hard.
I highly commend you and your neighbors for helping each other out and giving the hubbsters a break!
GREAT JOB!

_________________
http://www.frontlineconservatives.com

If God leads you to it...He will lead you through it!
Linda Marie Ann

Elizabeth,
I feel like Rose, that I hardly know my neighbors. We got to know some better during the Hurricane all but 1 or 2 of those families have moved away.

I think it is amazing how creative you have been at providing for your family, not just the basics, but the extras. This is what communities should be, it does seem to harken to a time when we were not so isolated and suspicious.

We live in an apartment. ALl the parents work and most are single parents, the families usually manage to get out. I have tried to figure out a way to put my kids back in swimming and pay for Michael to go to his summer remediation program. I just don't know how. I feel terrible when they ask why and not because I don't think that they should get everything they want. They just had so little to begin with and I have sacrificed everything to go back to school so that in the long run their life will be better. The only thing that I can't sacrifice is their Catholic school. I know for more reasons than the religion how important it is, the nearby school is terrible.

As i prepare to face single motherhood in a bleak economy, I can only pray for Our Blessed Mother's intervention. She is a mother, surely she will intercede. I am quite frankly frightened and have thought about moving to a smaller town with cheaper schools.

I also realize that I am in a much better situation than so many other mothers, like my neighbor whose husband left her with two toddlers and she just waits for them to garnish his wages, in the meantime she goes looking for a job.

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MariaToribia
Christ said, "I am the Truth"; he did not say "I am the custom." -- St. Toribio

This is one of those things that I am referring to. In the midst of all this economic chaos, we have opened our eyes to the needs of others. We are aware more than ever of the changing needs of life. I think this was a wonderful post.




Before my second wave of children, I did not feel a need for closeness to my neighbors. I had the girlfriends from Church and we all hung around with our children. The problem is, I had some more children later. They went off to work when their children went off to school and I started over with some more babies.

The sidewalk chats are the bus stop moms. The closeness started with one of the moms of a little boy Ians age who would become Ian's best friend. It started with just letting them continue to play when one mom would have to leave with someone else. Both boys would have meltdowns because they just wanted to keep playing and not sit thru dance lessons or siblings soccer practices or whatever. We would trade "babysitting". The boys would stay with each while the other mom ran whoever to practice without a sulking tag along. It made life more peaceful.


You are probably right and we keep thinking we are so resourceful. We are so proud of ourselves. I just wish I could find someone who is a masseusse who has a kid that can't hit a baseball.



I think that may be one of the reasons that perhaps our little neighborhood is ahead of the curve, we have been at this a while longer than most. So many people have been affected and everyone thinks it is just the people in the auto industry, but the effects are so far reaching. Even the convenience store where people on their way to work would stop and get coffee is affected. My husband works for a company that underwrites insurance. Their big money maker was always workmens comp accounts. Well, when no one is working, you don't have to pay workmens comp.



What is the summer remediation program?

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

THere is this TINY school about 40-60 kids and it specializes in kids like Ian and Michael that are really bright but have a mild LD or dyslexia, dysgraphia. In the summer they have a special tutoring program and it did wonders for Michael's self esteem, as well as reading readiness, apelling and a bit on the motor skills. They do a lot of the activities that we have discussed on other threads, but he liked it because he was paired (it is 2-1 teacher ratio) with a kid musch like him and an expert teacher that had raised more than one kid like them herself.

They also offer advice and new ideas for parents and tips on talking to the schools and new teachers. It is only $200 total for 5 weeks and they go everyday for 1 hour-no homework. They make it seem so fun and the advice is really helpful, because it is someone who knows, but is working specifically with your kid. It changed the way Michael thought of himself. I wish he go to that school, but they usually only take kids that are in extreme situations with schools (during the year that is) and mainstream them back into regular schools.

I might be able to talk his grandparents and the godparents to pitch in for both of these, I could afford some of it. I have tried exchanges but they don't work out because so many people I know work and/or leave for the summer. I also have to prioritize, because Michael is seeing a specialist for his Anxiety/depression. It breaks my heart to know what he is feeling, because I went through it. We have good insurance, but the copay is $50 and that is weekly and parking is $13.

I try and not worry, just work hard, be thrifty and resourceful and trust God. Lately I am losing focus of that, and it is hard when a lot of people I know just can't relate-they are not feeling the Pinch. Still I know that we are better off here right now than many places.

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MariaToribia
Christ said, "I am the Truth"; he did not say "I am the custom." -- St. Toribio