Catholic Online Forum

Hey I am dating this girl that I love dearly and we have discussed getting married. The problem is I am not Catholic, but I am a Christian tho. She told me that she wont force me to become Catholic, but she doesn't know if we can get married if I don't Convert. I am considering converting but just not sure I want to or will. Is there anything you guys or gals recommend me reading because I dont know of anything that I should? Thanks for the help in advance.

Steve

Steve,
I have no readings to suggest. I hope someone else does.
But, I would like to say that my first marriage was to a Non-Catholic. He made it very difficult for me to practice my Catholic faith. He didn't understand it and sometimes resented it.
Even when our first child was born, he wouldn't allow me to have him baptized in the Catholic Church!
I guess what I'm saying is that I believe my marriage would've been far better off if he had become Catholic, but he refused.
Maybe do your fiance a favor and look into it. You may want to become Catholic.............which isn't all so bad!
Good Luck

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http://www.frontlineconservatives.com

If God leads you to it...He will lead you through it!
Linda Marie Ann

Hello Steve,
If you want to learn about Catholicism, I recommend Catholicism for Dummies by Fr Trigilio and Fr Brighenti.
Good luck with your future plans and God bless you both.

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In Christ
Kim, M



"....abstinence and chastity, dispose man very much to the perfection of intellectual operation.” St Thomas Aquinas

I Know quite abit about Catholicism. Ive been reading on many Catholic websites and my girlfriend tells me about all the stuff she does so its not like I dont know about the beliefs its just that I am questioning some of them and are looking for further insight. Im not sure where to go from here. I am way to busy with college and baseball to go to RCIA.

Steve

Hi Steve,
First of all, I'd like to welcome you to COL. My wife was from an evangelical church before converted to catholicism. Well, my recommendation is get a copy of the Cathecism of the Catholic Church. And of course, if you don't have time, make one.

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Pax Christi,
Fred D

Wherever Jesus Christ is present, there is the Catholic Church.- St. Ignatius of Antioch

You can ask questions on this site.

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In Christ
Kim, M



"....abstinence and chastity, dispose man very much to the perfection of intellectual operation.” St Thomas Aquinas

From this site they'll send you a free book on Catholicism: http://www.catholicscomehome.org/

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Joel

Ok, I believe birth control is fine. I know my GF doesnt believe this and I totally respect it. I know if we decide to get married its gonna be while we are still in college and I know there is no way we will be able to support a child. I know there is NFP, so what I am asking is should we plan our wedding around her ovulating time so that we can consummate the marriage?

Steve

I know someone close to me who converted while engaged. He spoke with a priest and then read a very large book on Catholicism, in the end deciding that he could in fact believe the things that had merely been taught about the Catholic faith falsely to him or that he previously couldn't accept. The reality is that the Church has answers to all your questions. Again, I strongly recommend speaking with a priest who is involved in the RCIA about anything and everything.

For the Eucharist, consult a priest and read John 6. Actually read it and think about it. St. Peter didn't even seem to understand, but he believed because he knew that what Jesus taught was truth. Period.

More advice for this inquisitive gentleman?

P.S.
We should all say a quick prayer for this couple.

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Corey
"I do not care very much what men say of me, provided that God approves of me." - St. Sir Thomas More

Also, I don't recommend planning a marriage around those events.

Plan your marriage around faith.

"A wedding makes people married, but it doesn't make a marriage." -Loosely quoted from a pastor's speech at a wedding I recently attended. I would like to add to his comment that God, trust, and honest work for one another make a marriage.

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Corey
"I do not care very much what men say of me, provided that God approves of me." - St. Sir Thomas More

Steve you might want to see if there's anyway to fit RCIA in with your busy schedule. If you are going into a serious life long commitment as marriage is I think it would be prudent to learn more now. I think it will help avoid some conflicts or misunderstanding in the future. It would be easier now to learn and prepare for marriage than once you are married and getting into careers and having children--at least that's my opinion (not everyone might agree) I know personally once life got more complicated it's harder to fit things into the schedule. You think you are busy now, but wait until you get married and then have a family!

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Judas was the first to leave mass early

Thanks for the help, I will check back periodically to see other responses.

Steve

Catholics CAN marry non-catholics. I do believe you need to be a BAPTIZED christian in a major denomination. It would be best to talk to a parish priest and/or parish marriage preparation person to get the specifics. You should know that most parishes have at a preparation program for marriage.

Even if one spouse is NOT Catholic BOTH spouses have to agree and PROMISE to raise the children Catholic. My husband was not Catholic when we married (he converted about 10 years after we wed) so our wedding was a sacrament of matrimony ceremony without communion (Holy Eucharist).

Since you will be obligated to raise your children Catholic and therefore (implied) teach them this faith then you should inform yourself of the basics of the Catholic faith. I would also encourage your girlfriend to learn more about her faith.

One EXCELLENT resource is the Catechism of the Catholic Faith that can be purchased at any bookstore for less than $10. It is a good resource for the basic tenets of the faith.

You're a good and honest man to think of this very important issue in your future marriage. God Bless!

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Peace of Christ

---kelly

Steve,

I am a Catholic and my husband is a non-Catholic Christian. We have been married 8 years now and have 2 beautiful children so far. I would marry him all over again b/c I know he is the one God made for me, but I won't tell you that it has been easy dealing w/ the faith question. My husband agreed that we would raise the children Catholic as I was duty bound to do and I accepted that he may not ever convert. Sometimes he struggles w/ our being a Catholic family and sometimes I struggle w/ the fact that he may never convert. We love eachother and we keep the lines of communication open always. That and prayer is what has helped us persevere. Our values, despite the difference in faith are the same.

Marriage is about the rearing of children as much as it is about the unification of husband and wife. One cannot enter into a marriage w/ a Catholic and not understand this thouroughly. Marriage must be open to children even if the husband and wife choose (for serious reasons) to delay conception through NFP. THere can be no compromise on the openness to children. My husband understood that and felt entirely at ease w/ it. In fact, he was more at ease w/ it than I was, at first! He trusts in God so much more than I do at times. It's better to wait until the man and woman are ready to be completely open to children before marrying. Babies will come when they will...sometimes they come 9 months after the honeymoon. While I think each and every child is the greatest of gifts regardless of how or when they come to be, I do understand there may be concerns and times when you wish to delay or space children. All of this must be done prayerfully and w/ an open heart.

I love my husband dearly and we have a wonderful, happy marriage. It is possible to have this when one is a Catholic Christian and one is not. It does make for more challenges though. Respectful communications is even more essential when there are serious differences like this. And it is a serious difference. Sometimes you don't know how serious until the years begin to go by. I don't want to discourage you at all, but I do want you to know that much prayer and discernment must be given in these circumstances. You must know eachother very well and communicate w/ eachother very well before you marry. Pre-marriage counseling is very important. Lots of reading of books on marrying a Catholic is very good too. I'd also recommend Good News about Marriage and Sex (possibly the title is in a slightly different order, my book is still packed from our move). It explains the Catholic philosophy about sex. I read it before I married when I was trying to understand why we Catholics could not use contraception.

Many blessings to you and your beloved.

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Nora

"True freedom does not rest in being able to do whatever you want, but in being able to do whatever lifts you up towards God."

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Mary-Love

Jesus, I trust in You.

Steve,

You don't need to become Catholic, or even promise to bring your kids up Catholic (which you used to have to promise), but only state officially that you understand your future wife's obligation to do so. You will quite possibly, however, be expected to go to marriage classes (pre-Cana) with her, to give both of you a little bit more understanding of the Catholic teaching on what marriage is and, hopefully, to get some practical advice and develop your communication skills with one another.

It is great that you are okay with your gf's beliefs on not using contraception, even though you personally disagree. But if you are worried about the possibility of having children while not being able to support them, I suggest one of two things: Either simply trust in God, or postpone the wedding until you are financially capable of supporting a family. If you are meant to be for one another, if you are truly committed to each other, the waiting will only strengthen the eventual marriage.

OTOH, I have friends who married while both still at university, and are now on their third kid. They have somehow managed financially.

At any rate, don't worry too much about that sort of thing. Your first moment of marital union should NOT be hindered by the thoughts of 'I hope we don't...'. Oh no. That isn't the point. Besides which, the chances of any woman becoming pregnant the first time are fairly slim. But you might want to look into NFP procedures, because it helps a woman to understand her own body - and a man to understand her moodswings! It is useful to know about, at any rate.

BTW, I aintent married, so what do I know?

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Jules Xx


What will become of sinners?

It takes approval from the bishop but generally it is just a formality. I am Catholic and my husband is not baptized in any faith--we took our Pre Cana classes together and were married in a Catholic church with no Eucharistic celebration.

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S.Patrick

Another great book to read is called "How to Survive being married to a Catholic". My hubby and I both read it when we got engaged and when hubby decided to convert and we laughed all the way through it. I think Amazon will have it. It is a great little book.

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Best Wishes,

Clare Rickett

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort"
Herm Albright 1876-1944

Steve,

It's been eight months so I'm not sure this is still an operative question for you but my wife was not Catholic when we married. After I proposed we met with the pastor (a person exceedingly knowledgeable and experienced in these matters) to discuss the marriage and began a more than six month preparatory period in meetings with him (he also gave us a book - Marriage is for Keeps). My wife and I had discussed the Faith when we were courting and she decided to begin RCIA which proved to be an excellent opportunity for us to explore the Faith together - I also attended the series of catechesis by the priests of our parish with her as did most sponsors, which sparked many conversations and further reading after class.

Now Catholicism is an intetgral part of our lives and I cherish our shared experience of her conversion very much. She had and has a strong desire to know and understand His Church with a deep devotion and dedication to God, to our relationship, and to our family - at times I must admit, exceeding my own. We're blessed with three beautiful children so far and my wife is able to be a fulltime mom, caring for and educating our kids in the manner in which we both believe best fulfills our responsibility as parents, consistent with our abilities.

Before we met and were married my faith meant a lot to me but in many ways it was internalized like a quiet voice inside me. Since we met its become part and parcel to the vital conversation and actions that animate our vocation to married life.

Pax et bonum

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-Brian

"This is the horrendous and hidden poison of your error: that you claim to make the grace of Christ consist in his example and not in the gift of his Person." - St. Augustine correcting Pelagianism