Catholic Online Forum

I am a new Catholic, having gone through RCIA a year ago. I am having a difficult time agreeing with my wife about how many children to have. We have three now, and my wife wants to trust God not abstain during phase II (the fertile time). I do not feel I can handle another child. I had to use a credit card to pay the mortgage last month, and I feel the general sense of chaos is great enough in our family to make a compelling reason to abstain. My wife feels that our problems arise from not trusting God in this area. I am praying to the Lord for unity and wisdom. If anyone has some perspective on this I would appreciate it.

Bill?
Sign your post, we don't know who we are addressing.

I believe that you should consult your priest, together. The reason the Church allows NFP, is for the very reason you mentioned. It gives couple an oppurtunity to use natural means to responsibly plan a family. Realizing that another child would be a financial burden which would put stress on everyone in the family is responsible and has nothing to do with not trusting God.

If , however, another baby comes along, as Catholics you must recognize that it is a blessing and trust God will provide. You promise that you will be open to children when you marry in the Church.

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MariaToribia
Christ said, "I am the Truth"; he did not say "I am the custom." -- St. Toribio

If you are having to use credit cards to pay the mortgage, then you probably have sufficiently serious reasons to TTA at this time. God gave us NFP and He also gave us prudence and wisdom. If your wife is having a hard time understanding that, perhaps you should speak together with your pastor.

Meanwhile, what helps me when we have to TTA and I really don't want to is I pray for all of the women I know IRL or here on the internet who very much want children but for one reason or another have been unable to get pregnant. I tell God that I don't currently have a use for my fertility so He should give it to someone else.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Just to be clear, I'm basing my comments on the assumption that the husband in this sort of case has not that used the mortgage money to play the ponies or buy a home theater system or something like that.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

The foundation of NFP is communication between the spouses about family size and serious consideration of the current ability to have more children. This forum is not really the place to hash out marital differences. It sounds like you and your wife are having problems agreeing on family size for eternity. Meaning you think 3 kids are enough and she wants to have more. I think the true spirit of NFP is to evaluate whether NOW is the time to expand your family. It is a consideration on a month to month basis. Perhaps, looking at it this way will alleviate some of the stress and allow you both to change your position as the situation dictates.

I would also encourage you to subscribe to the Couple to Couple League's magazine. It is a pro-NFP, Catholic organization that deals with many issues (including marital) involved with NFP. There website is http://www.ccli.org .

I'm sure there are many other Catholic resources available to explain the proper use of NFP which would help you and your wife to approach this very important area of your marriage as a team rather than in opposition. Here are 2 articles that you might find helpful:

http://www.americancatholic.org/Newslet ... ac0707.asp

http://www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/cathteach.shtml

On the 2nd link see pages under "openness to life" and "responsible parenthood".

Lastly, in all things, pray. Pray for each other and with each other.

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Peace of Christ

---kelly