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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 09:42 
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Koorosh,

This is a public site. Anybody in the world with Internet access can read what is posted here, they don't even have to be a member. You (and everybody) should keep that in mind. Do not post information about anybody that you would not like them to find out about.

The moderators have reminded people people about this fact many, many times.

Also, you are not required to use your real name. You can use a pseudonym. The only requirement is that you use a "real sounding" name, as opposed to a "handle".

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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 10:26 
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Dear Jayne,

Thank you for understanding my pain and being betrayed by this person. I never wanted to hurt my wife and I still love her very much. Your words along with Chris, Fred, Julia, Maria and others have helped me a lot and I am thankful for that. I came to this site to get support and ask for prayers for my wife and not to hurt her.

Please keep praying for her, my kids, and if I have done wrong then for my soul so I will not be damned.

Regards,

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 10:41 
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Laura,

You are absolutely wrong. I did nothing intentionally to hurt my wife. All I have asked for on this site is for everyone to pray for her. I think you are just trying to justify this action on your part or anyone who did this. I know that this was a public forum but if asking for prayers for my wife is wrong then I am guilty as charged.

Please read my correspondence on this site and then tell me if I still wanted to hurt my wife. The person who did this just took it upon herself to come up with her own opinion. I have given my wife my login name and user password (probably another violation) so that she can see my writings for herself.

I will say it again. I love my wife. I do not want to hurt her and never have. My goal was to try and get advice on this site and yes I feel betrayed. I also feel that I betrayed her by writing on this site. She is a good person but she changed after her father passed away. As I said if I did not love her I would not be trying so hard to save my marriage. To me she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

As for custody, my son is over 18 but still in high school. I left the state and did not fight for custody because I did not want to deprive him of his last year in high school with his friend. I had no family there and could not go to my wife’s family so I had to leave. I also knew that my wife loves my son so I left him with her.

I love my wife and was willing to take a bullet for her. How many men do you know in this society that will do the same? Perhaps your ex-husband hurt you but it has never been my intention to hurt my wife. I wanted the same love for my wife and family that my mom and dad and her mom and dad had.

I cannot tell you the whole story and how much I have loved her. You do not know the extent of my love for her. You have only known a part of my pain. I am sorry that your ex- husband hurt you, but not all men are pigs!

Regards,

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 10:49 
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David,

You are correct and I feel bad about what has happened. I do not think I have posted anything negative and if I had it was not meant to hurt my wife. Please read my reply to Laura and please read my correspondence. I did not know that I could use a different name. I have tried not to lie and have not always succeeded. The religion I grow up in is based on Good Thoughts, Good Words, and Good Deed and I have tried but failed to follow this fully. The only person I know who had not sinned died on the cross some 2000 years ago.

Again I love my wife and if everyone needs to know that I love her then that is okay. I did not mean to hurt her or anyone else but someone did intentionally hurt us. Still, I feel I am at fault.

One last request. Please pray for her and my kids. Perhaps I do not deserve a prayer.

Koorosh

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 12:01 
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Koorosh -
I was avoiding this thread after the opening post because it's too much like spitting contests I've been in with other people opposed to divorce under any circumstances.

You have posted far too much personal information. This is not sound. It is not reasonable. It is not healthy. It is not respectful.

You can say "I love my wife" from now 'til the world ends, but if you behave disrespectfully, I'm not buying what you say. Does that make sense?

If you love your wife, then you must honor her by safeguarding her heart. What you have done here, essentially, is to reveal her as a villain and to try to promote yourself as some sort of victim. That isn't healthy masculine behavior, either.

You have my prayers, you really do. But you just aren't getting the main points, here. I'm sorry, but you aren't.

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"Since I cannot altogether live the life I would wish for, I must make my actual life better and more fruitful for God and for the souls who have been entrusted to me." Elisabeth Leseur, October 2, 1905


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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 12:05 
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Laura,

Thanks for our opinion.

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 12:43 
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Koorosh,
You may have given a bit more information than ideal, but once you had shared that your wife was seeking a divorce against your will, you had revealed that she was likely disobeying Church teaching. It is unreasonable to characterize this as portraying her as a villain. Even the minimum amount of information necessary to describe your plight was somewhat unflattering to your wife. This was unavoidable if you wished for comfort, advice and prayers. Overall, you seemed to me to write positively of her, repeatedly saying how much you love her.

As you know, the moderators move inappropriate posts and let posters know when they are giving more information than permitted. I do not think you need to give much weight to opinions on this that are not coming from moderators.

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"To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbour's thoughts, words and deeds in a favourable way." CCC 2478


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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 12:57 
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Dear Jayne,

Thank you for your reply. When the moderator told me that I had posted some private information on line, I was schocked and hurt that I may have put my wife in a bad situation. You are correct to say that I had no other choice but to write that my wife wanted a divorce, which was the truth. How else was I going to state my problem?

I love my wife and the last thing I want is to hurt the person I love. How can this person think that I ever wanted to hurt her but ask everyone to pray for us? I guess she never understood my love for her. I will miss her beautiful eyes and the smell of her hair. I loved her that much! People think I am crazy for loving her so much but if anyone has loved someone like I love her they will understand my pain.

I still love her and will have her in my heart for the rest of my life. People can say what ever they want and they do not know me but God does and I have to answer to him someday.

Thank you for your continued prayers for my kids and wife.

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 20 Aug 2008 13:00 
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Chanteuse wrote:
Koorosh -
I was avoiding this thread after the opening post because it's too much like spitting contests I've been in with other people opposed to divorce under any circumstances.

Laura,
The Catechism is opposed to divorce with few exceptions:
Quote:
2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble.174 He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.175

Between the baptized, "a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death."176

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.177

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:

If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another's husband to herself.178

2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.

2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.179

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Jayne
"To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbour's thoughts, words and deeds in a favourable way." CCC 2478


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PostPosted: 21 Aug 2008 12:07 
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Jayne,

Thanks for your support and prayers.

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 21 Aug 2008 17:45 
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Hello Everyone,

The divorce should be final by Monday. I am asking anyone who can pray for us to please ask God for a Miracle. I do not know what else to say.

Thank you.

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 25 Aug 2008 19:39 
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After 25 years of marriage the divorce became final today. No miracles.

I guess God was not listening to the prayers, and neither was the church.


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PostPosted: 25 Aug 2008 21:06 
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Or perhaps He has something else He wants you to learn. He always answers, it sometimes takes a while to understand, or it may not be what we want to hear.

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PostPosted: 26 Aug 2008 16:05 
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Dear Fiona,

Thank you for writing. I am not sure what God has planned for me but I am very hurt right now. I had hoped for intervention but none came from God, friends, or the church. I asked one of my favorite priests for prayers and told him about my feeling about the Catholic Church and its lack of intervention. He told me that the church does not intervene as they may be sued. I guess I can understand that but I still feel betrayed by them that they would not help.

Yesterday I reluctantly signed the divorce papers knowing that I had lost the person I loved and was faithful to for 25 years. From my writings one may get the idea that I am weak, but that is exactly the opposite. I was too hard headed and did not realize my mistakes. I was the man of the house, took care of the finances, maintenance and kept the home functioning but I changed and wanted to show my love to my wife again. She wanted a changed man and when she got it, she would not allow him to show her his love.

I hurt for my wife and the challenges she may face in her life. Although I walked away with money yesterday and should been happy, I feel like I lost something very special.

I know that I will be okay but I still love my wife and will miss her very much. She did not realize how much I loved her and that is too bad. Please keep her in your prayers and pray for my kids as they are hurt so much. As for me, I do not want any prayers.

Koorosh


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PostPosted: 30 Aug 2008 04:32 
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I just finished having breakfast with my son and will be seeing my daughter later today. I am hurting inside because I have to say goodbye to them once again and will not get to see them for another few months. I keep thinking that while I hurt so much, is she hurting too? She seems to keep herself busy with her friends, family and of course she has my children by her. At times I cannot breath and feel like my life is about to end.

She filed for the divorce and wanted it. I had to leave my son and did not fight for his custody so that he could stay with his friends and in the same home for his senior year. I also had to leave my daughter and move south to be with my mom and brother as I have no family up here and I cannot be with her family either. For 25 years her family was my family and now suddenly that bond is gone too. When you get a divorce it seems you also lose her family as well.

So why do I have to pay this price when I did not want this divorce? Why is it that I and not she had to leave? Is this fair or is this my punishment for something I may have done in my life.

I wish I could say that I am going back home this weekend, but I cannot. I am away from my kids, from the wife I loved, from my dog, my home, my friends, and the way of life I knew. Although I am thankful to mom and brother for providing me with support and a place to live, it is not my home.

I question God and keep thinking that I must have done wrong in my life to deserve this punishment. It is not fair, as all I wanted was to protect and provide for my wife and children. I guess it does not matter. There are many people in this world who are far worse off than I am and so why should I matter? Who am I to complain? I guess my hurt is not that important.

People care for me now but with time they will forget me as well. Is this God’s plan for me?

Koorosh


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