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Bruno-Maria Schulz
PostPosted: 15 Jul 2009 09:12 
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Oh that’s a simple question (to me):
I in fact tell my wife everything – but things I have confessed before God and now are to be forgotten and done with – if one doesn’t do it again.

I mean – I know she was deeply in love withsome horrid guy in Switzerland and she knows I was deeply in love with some nurse in Ulm, but well – such is life. We can’t expect having been the one and only. God loves more then just us. We are not the cream.

But all the rest – yes – all the rest I do tell Eva :-D
Come to think of it; there’s nothing I wouldn’t dare to tell her.
But then;
She is (don’t tell her though) a Saint anyway ;-).
Quite contrary to me :-/

"Dark secrets" frankly I have none. If I had - my wife would know, becaus I can't shut my mouth.

We several times had young Americans living here with us. Band members of my sons band. One of them, Ben, kept later asking me, If I don't have a dark secret. Everyone he said, does have a skeleton in some cabinet. C'mon - tell me.

This made me think - do I ???
If I had found one, I wouldn't have told him anyhow, but I had told my wife.
But I didn't find even a small one ;)

Well - if someone really has some skeleton in some forgotten cabinet,
(Ben says we all have)
I do not think he or she should necessarily tell the partner, for not all understand the circumstances when it happened. It could spoil something.
Get clear with God, and leave the rest to God too. Then everything is all-right.

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Bruno-Maria Schulz

First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come to Me (Matthew 5:24)
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Predian
PostPosted: 11 Aug 2009 13:08 
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dyslexiateechur wrote:
I have a lot of friends who say that it's normal for husbands and wives to have "some" secrets. That there's stuff that you just dont' want to know.

But my husband and I have never been like that. I always thought that we had no secrets.

I was freaking out earlier because I thought he was hiding things from me. (Turned out to be a false alarm). But it got me thinking.

Should there be an expectation of privacy within a marriage? I don't have a thing to hide from my husband. He can go through my mail, my e-mail, my dresser drawers, etc. I even let him read my diary when I used to keep one.

But it kind of bothers me that I don't know his e-mail password.

Should a marriage mean full disclosure or is it healthier to have some secrets?


I think there are certain disclosures that are a matter of timing. Surprises are a good (and perhaps the only?) example of this. My wife knows my email password, but I will often change it if I am plotting something (either a surprise for her, or perhaps a minor gag).

I don't have secrets from my wife, but I do believe in timing and relevancy.

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christofine
PostPosted: 11 Aug 2009 15:16 
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Complete trust in each other in things like fidelity are fundamental, however over the years I grew tired of my husbands angry reactions to large bills and other expenses.
I started to pay them without him knowing and actually lied about prices.
My justification for this was that losing money was like amputating a limb to him, so it was kinder to save him the pain.
He has revealed once or twice that he is aware of this, but as long as the books balance he his happy to live with it.
God bless
Christine O

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delallan
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2009 05:07 
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My wife and I have been married for eighteen years, and have very open and honest communication. We don't hide things from each another, and I believe that this honesty strengthens our love for each other and allows us to trust. I am convinced that hiding or lying about little things (like money spent) can begin the process of a disintegration of trust. I know it sounds dramatic, but honesty in small things is important.

Do the majority of married people hold private bank accounts; joint bank accounts; or both? I would be interested in knowing.

Peace,
Del

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christofine
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2009 05:36 
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Del

Well I have been married forty two years and I've found that sometimes sugarcoating the truth for my volatile husband saves us both a lot of pain!

Blessings :)

Christine O

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Predian
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2009 05:55 
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delallan wrote:
My wife and I have been married for eighteen years, and have very open and honest communication. We don't hide things from each another, and I believe that this honesty strengthens our love for each other and allows us to trust. I am convinced that hiding or lying about little things (like money spent) can begin the process of a disintegration of trust. I know it sounds dramatic, but honesty in small things is important.

Do the majority of married people hold private bank accounts; joint bank accounts; or both? I would be interested in knowing.

Peace,
Del


My wife and I have different checking accounts for different purposes. All of our accounts are technically joint, and we have online access to all of them. With that said, my wife and I primarily operate out of separate checking accounts, to avoid collisions. We do not hide any purchases from each other, other than gifts. There are no financial secrets. My wife doesn't tell me every penny she spends, nor I her, because the information is often irrelevant. But for extraordinary purchases, we are both informed.

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delallan
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2009 06:30 
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[quote="christofine"]Del

Well I have been married forty two years and I've found that sometimes sugarcoating the truth for my volatile husband saves us both a lot of pain!

Yes, I suppose we learn how to navigate married life, and learn as well what to say and what not to say to keep the peace. That is part of being discerning marriage partners.

Peace,
Del

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Bear
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2009 19:01 
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Location: Orangeville, Ontario. Further north and a lot colder than where I was before.
My wife will eventually know EVERYTHING, some of it will be revealed in eternity 8*O

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Orangeville, Canada: True, North, Strong and Free(zing)

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
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delallan
PostPosted: 13 Aug 2009 03:45 
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Good point Dennis!

Peace,
Del

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LASaxman
PostPosted: 14 Aug 2009 08:58 
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Bear wrote:
My wife will eventually know EVERYTHING, some of it will be revealed in eternity 8*O

It's a good thing they won't have rolling pins and frying pans there. :wink:

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David L (CA)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx
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gabriel
PostPosted: 14 Aug 2009 10:13 
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I am reminded of an old story of the Irishman who asked about Judgment Day. He asked if everyone would be there - Jews and Arabs, Greeks and Turks, French and German, Irish and English. He was assured that all would be there. He commented, "Well there will be darned little judging get done on the first day." :wink:

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Death is only a shadow across the path to Heaven.


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