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Zeb came back home for a little bit this weekend, (hoping to join us at game 5 of the World Series ), and it kind of hit me......he is just a kid.

His fiance is a little bit older and part of me thinks he was kind of talked into this. He seemed so excited to be back home with the little kids. He took them to dinner, took them to the movies, worked out with Ian before basketball tryouts......

I would not have picked her for him. But, she is a good solid Catholic, has a stellar family, has a good job and absolutely adores him. He has a good job and seems to adore her. But still I wonder. Is this really a good idea? I am not sure what else I want to see him do before he settles down, but when I look at his older brother, they are so night and day and it seems like, the older brother has this wild and crazy, adventure filled life and it seems like that is kind of what a young man should be doing.

I mean, he is 22 years old, he has thousands of dollars in the bank and is getting ready to buy a pretty decent sized house. It seems weird or out of character of what a 22 year old should be doing. Doesnt it? It doesnt seem or feel right for some reason. I dont know.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Sounds like the kind of person we need; can he be cloned a few hundred thousand times?

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BobA

Were there hopes and dreams he used to speak of, that are forgotten now? Are there parts of his personality you've known, that seem to have gone to sleep? If not, it seems like Zeb is one of those people who understands what he wants while he's young, and who finds a lot of it. It sounds to me like a great blessing.

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Charles MacKenzie

"For nature is one with rapine, a harm no preacher can heal;
The Mayfly is torn by the swallow, the sparrow spear'd by the shrike,
And the whole little wood where I sit is a world of plunder and prey."
-Tennyson

Sounds like a fine young man and much to be proud of!

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Andrew McAllister

Respect for the dignity of every innocent human being from conception/fertilization, without exception, without compromise, without apology.

I was twenty when I realized who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

We tied the knot 53 years ago today and it is STILL the best decision I ever made in my life!

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In Christ,

Jim B

I will consider your position if stated with firm, well-thought-out, quiet reasoning. Hateful diatribe, ad hominem attacks and shouted rhetoric don't impress.

If I got the sense from talking with my children when they reach marriageable age that they understand how some personal ambitions must be subordinated to the marriage, if they are employed, if they have satisfactory living arrangements, if their fiance is a good match, then I would be very happy for them to get married young. If I was not satisfied, I would point out where I saw problems. Their not traveling the world or jumping out of a plane or not getting a Ph.D. would not be a concern.

They will have much more energy to raise children, for one thing, especially if they have many children. I think back to my parents, who raised 3 boys 1 year apart, beginning at 24. It seemed like a struggle for them to keep up with us. Now I think to me and my wife, who were raising 6 children with our first being born at (for me) age 28 and the 6th being born at age 38, and then came 3 more about 1 year apart starting when I was 43 and ending when I was 45. If 3 boys were tough to keep up at my parents' ages, I'm really worried about how our last 3 will be raised in their teens at my and my wife's ages, after 6 children before that.

For another, a graced marriage helps the spouses get to heaven. I'm not sure how the other things typically done in one's youth help one get to heaven. What are those things anyway? Getting to heaven is the only goal, really.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Elizabeth,

Sue and I had our first "date" at 14, we dated off and on till we were 19, when I finally asked her to marry me. We were engaged for 2 years ( Vietnam caused a one year delay), we were 21 when we married. I cannot think of a thing we didn't get to do that we would have wished to do.

We have owned and sold houses in several states, and the mortgage on this one will be paid off in Jan 2014.

My mother never liked Susan all the years we dated, she told me the marriage would never last, would be a big mistake etc, etc, etc. We have been married 46 years. Give Zeb some credit, the Bible tells us to raise our children in the way we wish thm to grow. Have you and your husband set the appropriate examples? I expect you have, stop worrying.


Oh and Dean,

I was 47 when i adopted my 20 year old, I know exactly what you will go through.

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Bob C

Good for you Jim!

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Pax et Bonum


Schultzz

Beth,
It's hard to let go, but know that our kids have every right to attempt life's goals as we did. Yes, it is a sign that we are on our way out, but everything happens according to God's plan for us so it's time to stop thinking of him as your baby and time to welcome he and his bride into aduldhood. Enjoy God's plan for you and your family. I can assure you that it is a good plan.

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Pax et Bonum


Schultzz

The only hope and dream he ever had was to play football. He did that.

Strangely enough, all the other things he is doing seem to fall into place with who he has kind of always been.

He has thousands of dollars in the bank because he is a tightwad. Not because he got responsible out of nowhere. When he was young, my husband once found a loose floorboard in his room full of money. My husband thought he was dealing drugs or something. It was every Christmas, birthday, First Communion dollar ever given to him. In the meantime, he never went out because he was always tired from practice. He was able to save every penny of his paychecks for almost the last year because he lived with my parents and they wouldnt take money and he just did all the outside work and chores that my dad was no longer able to do, in exchange for rent.

He wants to buy a house and that kind of fits because when he was younger he treasured playing catch with my husband and hanging out. He always brought his friends here to hang out. He was always kind of a homeboy kind of kid.

He is still a slob though, so I wonder how that house will look.

I know that jumping out of airplanes and white water rafting and doing crazy stuff is not paramount to a full and healthy and happy life, it just seems like he should be wanting to do that.

He still kind of immature. He asks funny questions about marriage. He wants to know if he should have a joint checking account? Who should pay the bills? etc.. He weighs things like....is it cheaper to buy your own beer and pay for the football channel on cable, or hang out with friends at the bar and get out and watch football and count that as a night out. For crying out loud, just go out and think later.

Maybe I just need to get used to all of it. I dont know what I would ask of him or want for him otherwise. He just seems young.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Well a baseball game, and hot dogs count as a dinner and entertainment out. I keep telling my wife that anyway.

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Bob C

Elizabeth,

He sounds a lot like me when I was his age. Probably better, because I had some serious struggles. But I did not dream of doing much other than getting done with school and finding a job and settling down as soon as I could. You might ask those questions of his fiance though (or have Zeb ask them), whether she has any ambitions that may have to be put on hold or let go because she is getting married, and whether she is willing to do that.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

That wouldnt be a hard sell in my book!! I wish I had had the opportunity in the ALCS and the World Series. Note to self....never, ever buy game 5 tickets ever again.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Dean, she is a highschool calculus teacher. She wants to go back for her masters and has the school idea already figured out. I would say that her main ambition right now is to marry Zeb and have a perfect Pinterest wedding and live happily ever after.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

Elizabeth, things could be MUCH worse for Zeb!

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

lol I know. And she is the underachiever. Her brother and sister are both doctors. Maybe I am worried about his own psyche. He is a common man, working for Miller Lite. How long til he feels inadequate?

The perfectly organized, Pinterest family actually makes me nervous. I keep seeing the pictures and plans and I keep wondering what is our expense in all this? I know we have to pay for the rehearsal dinner and the drinks at the wedding, but I sure hope thats it. Things are looking over the top right now.

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Elizabeth

"Jesus go before me and prepare the way"

The most important thing in selecting a spouse, IMO, is a similar worldview (i.e. religion) and a similar desire for the large decisions in family life. Do you want kids? When? And how will they be cared for.

If you agree on that, you're 95% of the way there. Love will do the rest.

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Jeff Stevens

I like what you said.

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Pax et Bonum


Schultzz