Catholic Online Forum

What is Catholic teaching on this subject. Surely they want Catholics marrying within their religion. What's a mom to do?

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Kim Cates

If you have already provided the proper guidance there isn't much you can do. My wife was not Catholic when we married, my mother was quite vocal about her disappointment in my choice, my wife and I have been married for 46 years, and guess who was the one taking care of my mother when she was dying.

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Bob C

Kim,

My husband married a non-Catholic (me). We have been married for 30 years, and yes, I did eventually become Catholic.



The Church requires Catholics to marry in the Church - that doesn't mean within their religion.

What's a mom to do? The same thing you should do if he/she was Catholic - be nice, be welcoming, show both your child and the boyfriend/girlfriend the love of Christ that Jesus, and His Church, calls us to show all of our neighbors. Marrying within your religion is no guarantee that the children will stay Catholic. However, a positive witness from you can make a difference.

If this is serious, invite the non-Catholic to join the family at Mass. I would also suggest making sure you know your faith so that you can answer any questions she or he might have. If you don't know the answer, polity say "I'll get back to you" and do it.

I would much rather my children marry a non-Catholic who has a strong faith in God than a Catholic who could care less about God.

Effie

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“The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.” –G.K Chesterton

Amen

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Bob C

My son married a girl who is not baptized but she goes to Mass more often than any of the other children in the family and also knows more about what the Church teaches and why. I just keep praying for the salvation and sanctification of all my family members.

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Daisy Martin

I'm another sort of success story in this regard. I dated outside my religion, but told my fiance that he had to become Catholic before we got married. It was a deal breaker for me. I'm not sure why at the time. I wasn't exactly a practicing Catholic. Fortunately, he did, and in later years, I've come to understand why it's far better if you marry a Catholic than if you don't.

Living where we do, where there are 10,000 people in our town but only about 500 Catholics, it's most likely that the kids won't find Catholic spouses. It's the reality of the situation, and has been.

We do need to understand that there is a definite danger to the soul of the Catholic involved. All too often, what happens here is someone marries a non-Catholic who is fine with Catholic kids until the first pregnancy. Then the non-Catholic insists that the kids can't be Catholic, or be only marginally Catholic, showing up for Baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation. The kids adopt the non-Catholic church and everything goes on until the Catholic dies without the sacraments or a Catholic funeral. That is all too often the reality of the situation, regardless of everyone's intentions along the way. Having seen that cradle-to-grave situation, so to speak, I think it's fair to say that marriage to a non-Catholic can be dangerous to one's soul. Maybe it's rarer than I've observed, but do we really want it to be our child who loses salvation over something like this?

So far only one of my 21yo has dated. I'm happy to say that my other kids belong to a sort of crowd at church that doesn't seem to notice gender in their interactions. But for the child who has dated, I have said, repeatedly and in front of the boyfriend, that anyone who wants to marry a child of mine and is looking for any sort of support from me at the wedding, needs to take an RCIA/inquiry class, even if they don't plan to become Catholic. They really need to know what being part of our family is about, and that's a big factor. They also have to have a Catholic wedding.

In answer to your question about what's a mother to do, pray. Pray hard. Our 21yo has the sort of personality that seems to insist upon making her own mistakes instead of learning from those of others or being guided by wiser, older people. I'm convinced that the Divine Mercy Chaplet, said every day for her and those around her, has saved her bacon more than once. It's also helped some of her friends along the way.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Effie, my wife married a non-Catholic, too . . . and one who was baptized in the Baptist church and whose family shared the anti-Catholic sentiment that was not uncommon in Kansas back in the first half of the last century.

I overcame my anti-Catholicism quickly on being exposed to the devout, loving Christianity that emanated from that faithful Catholic girl and became a Roman Catholic within a year of our marriage.

A marriage that occurred just over 53 years ago!

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In Christ,

Jim B

I will consider your position if stated with firm, well-thought-out, quiet reasoning. Hateful diatribe, ad hominem attacks and shouted rhetoric don't impress.

I am glad to hear of the conversions here.

But I remain convinced that a similar worldview is of fundamental importance to a long term successful marriage.

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Jeff Stevens

Jeff,

I think that every difference in a marriage is a hill to climb.

The differences can be:

Religion

Family Wealth

Education

and so on.

After so many hills you are climbing a mountain.

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Bob C

Jeff, I have no argument with this assertion . . .

But "a similar world view" can certainly be shared by two people whose upbringing was in different faith communities.

And one only needs to peruse the various threads here, especially those in "The Lion's Den" to realize that sharing a similar faith background does not necessarily mean sharing a similar world view.

I certainly won't argue against the idea that in an ideal world, we'd seek and embrace those whose values and beliefs mirrored our own — and certainly, the chance of a successful marriage increases when the potential wife and husband share a conviction of what constitutes absolute truth.

But given the uncomfortably similar divorce rates in Catholic and non-Catholic couple in modern, western culture, I'm not convinced that marrying another Catholic will ensure that those conditions are present in a marriage.

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In Christ,

Jim B

I will consider your position if stated with firm, well-thought-out, quiet reasoning. Hateful diatribe, ad hominem attacks and shouted rhetoric don't impress.

Thank you guys for your insight. Rose hit it on the head. Her boyfriend is Muslim. I know from her ex-boyfriend, who is also Muslim, that in this religion they're not concerned with whether she converts but definitely any children would be raised Muslim. This is what I fear if she marries a Muslim as this is her 2nd boyfriend. They have not been dating very long but they have known each other a few years. I was also told that the children could observe but not participate in the Church. She is very strong in her faith so my hope is that that she will hold on to that.

But does the Church approve of this kind of relationship or would a marriage be blessed? I would not think so since the children would not be allowed to become Catholic.

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Kim Cates

As far as I know, the Catholic person has to promise to raise the children Catholic. If a wife's family won't allow her to do that and she knows that going into the marriage, then she's knowingly lying to either the Church or her husband.

Marriage between a Catholic and a non-Baptized person requires additional marriage prep. It happens enough that there are fairly standard routines for dealing with it, but it does require additional steps.

Such a marriage sounds to me like a never ending battle. I would ask my daughter where she expects such a relationship to lead.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Kim,

If you had told us that he was Muslim to begin with, I believe you would have gotten different responses. I assumed, as did others, that you were dealing with two Christians. This is a far different situation. Christianity is based on the idea of God becoming man. Jesus Christ, the second person of the Trinity, was born into humanity for our sake and our salvation. This central teaching of our faith is rejected by Islam who views Jesus as a prophet - not as God. To accept Islam is to reject that Jesus Christ is God. If your daughter's faith in Christ is truly important to her, that is something she needs to think about.



Within Islam there are many different groups, teachings, and ideas. Just because the ex-boyfriend wasn't concerned about conversion, doesn't mean all Muslims would feel the same way.


Effie

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“The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.” –G.K Chesterton

Jeff (I'm going to address this post to Rose as well),

No one is disputing that marrying someone of a different Christian community can be challenging. Nor is anyone disputing that having two people agree on religious issues is the ideal situation. The problem I had with Rose's initial post, as well as your post, is the assumption that both being Catholic is a guarantee that you will have similar religious and moral convictions, or that it is a guarantee that the couple will be faithful Catholics.

Rose, I know you are speaking as someone who lives in an area where there is a tremendous amount of anti-Catholic sentiment. That influences your world view - as it should. Just be careful that you don't find yourself assuming that if the person is Catholic he or she has the same type of upbringing or worldview as your children have. Being Catholic does not guarantee that will live their faith.

A friend of mine has 4 adult children. Two married Catholics, two non-Catholics The two married to non-Catholics attend Mass weekly (with their spouses) and are raising their children Catholic. The two who married Catholics are not involved in their faith. All four children were raised the same, by two faithful parents. The way the non-Catholic spouses were welcomed into the family had a lot to do with their willingness to be involved in the Church and raise their children Catholic. One of the two has since become Catholic.

Just something to think about.

Effie

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“The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.” –G.K Chesterton

I think about it constantly, Effie. You told about exactly one success. It's a great story, as is the one about my family.

I was simply giving another point of view of what tends to happen more than half the time where I live, and I didn't present it as anything else.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Rose,

I know. I happen to agree that it is best for couples to worship together and share the same faith. My concern was something that I read in your post - and perhaps I was reading something you did not intend to say. That something was an assumption that marrying a Catholic is a guarantee that it will be a good, faithful marriage.



That is the reality in your area. It is not the same lived experience in every area. When I say that being Catholic is no guarnatee that the couple will stay in their faith I am speaking through my own lived experience. Were I live Catholics outnumber every other religion. If you lived where I do your children would be more likely to date, and marry, a Catholic than a non-Catholic. But that is no guarantee that they will stay involved in their faith, or that the marriage will survive.

While yes, having them both Catholic is a major plus, don't assume that it is enough. That was the point I wanted to get across. I probably did that rather badly and I apologize for that.

One reason why my "inter-faith" marriage succeeded is that both my husband and I strongly believed (and still do) that families need to worship together. I did not convert because of that, but I did attend Mass every Sunday because of that.


Effie

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“The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.” –G.K Chesterton

Effie,

I was very careful in my post. I wanted to point out that it's not a one-size fits all answer, especially after several posts that gushed about how wonderful a non-Catholic/Catholic relationship can be. Since we're being honest, I think you painted an unrealistically rosy picture of things, just based upon your own experience, which I agree is a fantastic story, but I don't think is typical.

I might have done the same, describing how after only after ten or fifteen years of being Catholic, my husband started to embrace the Faith, too. Yes he became a Catholic, but there were a lot of arguments over why we had to actually live this way.

The fact of the matter is that, as we have seen from the general national discussion on the subject, the average non-Catholic will expect to use birth control and will see nothing wrong with abortion. That is, the expectation of the non-Catholic is that the Catholic will enter into mortal sin, right from the beginning, as one of the bases of their marriage. Actually, it was the case when I was dating 25 years ago in upstate New York, too. It's the expectation of the non-Catholic that if things "go wrong," that it's no big deal to get a divorce. It's the expectation of the non-Catholic that church is a weekly inconvenience to get one mom or the other off our back and if we don't go, God doesn't care. There's a huge divide between Catholic and non-Catholic nowadays that didn't exist back when you were dating and was only just beginning to show when I was dating.

Catholics are truly and completely counter-cultural in this country, now. It is in that light that I say anyone who wants to join this family is going to know that they are joining a CATHOLIC family. Their life is going to change significantly by joining this family. That goes for the Catholic kids who don't live as such, too. They're all going to have to do some home work, and they're going to have to join us, perhaps not as actual Catholics but as Catholics in lifestyle. My children's and grandchildren's souls are too precious to endanger.

And yes, my plan can fail, but having been to just about every elderly home in our parish, I have an absolute horror of the people I love dying without the Sacraments, or of suffering in Purgatory because everyone thinks they're already in Heaven and no one will pray for their souls. I probably won't be there at the end of their lives, so I'm going to do all I can at this end to ensure that they will have the things I've seen denied to others.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Does the Church approve of such marriages between a Catholic and a person who is not baptized? Well, the law is clear that such marriages are invalid. In other words, they are de facto not recognized. In order for this marriage to be valid, a dispensation for disparity of cult would have to be obtained from the bishop and the marriage would have to take place according to the Catholic form, unless a dispensation from the Catholic form of marriage is also obtained from the bishop. Otherwise the marriage would not be valid.

Since the Muslim is not baptized, this marriage would not be sacramental, even if it was valid and therefore recognized by the Church. If proper dispensations were obtained, the marriage would be termed as a good and natural marriage, but it would not enjoy the sacramental graces that flow from a marriage between 2 validly baptized people of whatever Christian sect.

You won't find any documents on the web, but I do recall in my marriage law class at the seminary the instructor (who is the moderator of the Curia in our diocese and the second most powerful man behind the bishop) discussing with us that the Church is concerned (and the concern is growing) about marriage between Catholic women and a Muslim men. He read from a letter that some Spanish bishops had written regarding this concern.

These are their concerns:

Apart from the problem that disparity of cult and extreme religious difference introduces to such marriages (and the Church has history to show that these marriages end badly at higher rates than marriages between Catholics and Protestants or Catholics and Catholics), there is also the particular problem with Muslims, where Muslim men, under pressure from their families, may move their families back to the country of origin where the women endure terrible pressure and hostility until they convert to Islam. Worse yet, Muslim men have been known to kidnap their children, taking them against the will of the mother, back to their home countries in order to force the women to convert to Islam to get their children back.

The pastor of the Catholic spouse according to law is to be concerned for the spiritual well-being of the Catholic spouse. Since the law stipulates this, it is obvious the Church sees grave difficulties in such marriages for the Catholic.

Finally, unless the children from this marriage were baptized (and there would have to be some level of hope they would be brought up Catholic for them to be baptized), they would not be able to participate in any of the sacraments of the Church.

What is a mother to do? Unfortunately, by the time a child has decided to get married to someone, there isn't much that can be done. As my pastor says, when a couple meets with him to get married, the decision has already been made. It's a little late to start counseling them on the qualities they should be looking for in a spouse. By that point, they aren't open to counsel and are just looking to set a date and move forward.

All a parent could do at this point is speak her piece and peace in charity about the difficulties such a marriage could and would present, attempt to ensure that the children get the proper dispensations and validly marry according to the Church, and then pray fervently for the well-being of the marriage.

For parents of younger children who have not yet reached this point, NOW is the time to constantly and consistently have talks with your children about the importance of marrying within their faith and about the qualities they should be looking for in a spouse. You may get a "whatever" reaction from them, they may think you're crazy for bringing it up when they aren't even thinking about marriage, but repetition and rational explanation, separated from raging hormones and sexual involvment, tends to sink in and hold firm. Don't wait until your children are on the precipice of making such an important decision to attempt to influence them.

I'm not saying this happened in Casey's case. Children will still go astray despite the wise, life-long counsel of parents; despite having the best parents in the world. But it does happen very often that parents are silent on the major questions of life because they believe their children aren't at the point where those questions are answered. If parents wait until the questions are to be answered and choices made, their chance at influencing the decision, at bringing their wisdom gained from living past mistakes and triumphs to bear on the question, has waned considerably.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Rose,

What a post. Bravo.

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Bob C

Rose,



You live in a very different world than I do. It has been my experience that the average Catholic (not just non-Catholic) will also expect to use birth control and see divorce as a viable option. Sadly it has also been my experience that many Catholics also see nothing wrong with abortion.



Do you honestly believe it's different for the average Catholic? Maybe it was when you were dating, but not today. When I was in the process of discerning whether or not to convert it was Catholics, not the non-Catholics, who told me that the rules didn't need to be followed because they were man-made and that going to Mass was optional. For converts and Catholics in the northeast a far greater problem than marriages with other Christians are Catholics who constantly dismiss, trash, mock and ignore their faith.




God bless you for that! It's a great idea.

As I said earlier, my intent was to say that marrying a Catholic was not an immediate guarantee of holiness or a good and faithful marriage. A young mom that I know recently discovered that her husband of three years - a "faithful" Catholic who attends Mass weekly, is involved in his faith, attends the EF Mass, accepts NFP, and is very conservative - has been cheating on her for the entire three years of marriage. They have a two year old and she is 6 months pregnant. When I saw your comment I thought of her. I know she would appreciate a few prayers right now.

You are 100% right in that the new member of the family should understand the Catholic faith. My only objection was the assumption that somehow marrying a Catholic spouse is a guarantee of a holy marriage. I wish it were.


Effie

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“The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.” –G.K Chesterton

No one would say that marrying a Catholic is a guarantee of a good and holy marriage, especially if the Catholics are very nominal ones. This begs the question. Are they really Catholic if they say "Lord, Lord" but do not follow what the Church teaches in the name of the Lord? From a perspective of law, they are Catholics, but from a belief/behavior system, hmm...

However, marrying a good and holy Catholic is the best chance overall of starting one from Day 1, and for keeping a good and holy marriage going. It's plain common sense, despite a few notable exceptions (we all have heard the exceptional marriage survival statistics on couples who practice NFP, for instance).

The Church's laws that discourage marriage between people of different Christian faiths or between people who aren't even in the same ballpark aren't there because Catholics don't like Protestants and Muslims and Jews and Hindus and atheists. Church law tends to account for reality and is there for the good of souls.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Kim,
If it were my daughter, I would pull out all the stops to prevent a serious relationship and marriage.
I would insist that she read this book: Not Without My Daughter.
And these articles: http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2004/05 ... t-marrying
http://www.meforum.org/520/us-departmen ... -to-saudis

I guess you are all in the States, but if the man has nationality in an Arab/Muslim country or his parents do, then the subject of moving may come up.
People may accuse me of being overly negative, but I have lived in three Arab countries and have met probably 3 dozen American women married to Muslims.
Most of them would say their lives were ruined, especially if children were involved. I can think of only two "good" marriages (and they are not good from a Catholic point of view). In one, the woman is basically atheist and formally converted to Islam to have better legal standing. The other one, the couple lives in a Western country (and she never, never allowed her children to be taken by the grandparents to visit the old country) and anyway her husband is a very nominal Muslim with an American mother and Muslim Arab father. This woman was a cradle Catholic. The children were not raised Catholic and were not baptised, primarily because of the husband's father. The Catholic woman has completely fallen away. The marriage succeeds because religion is not important to either of them

Also, there is an instruction from PONTIFICAL COUNCIL FOR THE PASTORAL CARE OF MIGRANTS AND ITINERANT PEOPLE which says:



I read that Father Joe Jenkins said that, "The Archdiocese of Washington tried to impose a moratorium on Catholic-Muslim weddings a number of years ago. Given that such marriages have an extremely high failure rate, as much as 90%, such relationships are very problematical. I would advise against such dating. Respecting practicing Muslims and having romantic relationships must be distinguished. The former is admirable, the latter is precarious. It is best not to allow such things to heat up."

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Grace

As to the past, let us entrust it to God's mercy, the future to Divine Providence. Our task is to live holy the present moment. - Saint Gianna Molla

I don't know about the Birth Control, but the divorce oh. boy the last three grand wizards (Or whatever they are called) of our KfC Post left their wives for other women....we no longer have a KfC Post at the parish.

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Bob C

Grace,

Thanks for the reference! It's in my favorites now.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Dean,



Interestingly, when my mother married my non-baptized father, they got the dispensations and the form of ceremony they were allowed was a marriage by the priest in the rectory with just the maid of honor, best man and parents allowed. It was about 1951, I think.

I'm the only Catholic out of eight kids because most all of us had generally more respect for my father's philosophical positions and though he tried to refrain from saying anything against the church, the fact that he was raised to be rabidly anti-Catholic by his formerly Catholic father was known to all of us.

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Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

Val,



Yes, back then these mixed marriages I believe were not celebrated within the sanctuary and they were very subdued. I thought I heard that, but perhaps I was dreaming it.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Back in 1959, when my wife married this then nonCatholic, it was done in the sanctuary within a Nuptial Mass.

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In Christ,

Jim B

I will consider your position if stated with firm, well-thought-out, quiet reasoning. Hateful diatribe, ad hominem attacks and shouted rhetoric don't impress.

Were you Baptized in some other Christian faith?

The above situation is Catholic/non-Baptized person.

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Rose West
"May God help us not to spoil His work" (Bl. Mother Theresa)

Both baptized, I assume (disparity of faith)? Vs. the case Val mentions where her dad was not baptized (disparity of cult)?

Here is the USCCB response, post-VII and post CIC 1983. I'm pretty sure CIC 1917 was much stricter with regard to mixed marriages. Unfortunately, the 1 English translation of CIC 1917 of which I know is Dr. Ed Peters' translation, and it isn't online, so I am unable to verify. But I would bet marriages where there is disparity of cult were treated even more sternly than they are today. My former pastor used to joke that my unbaptized "pagan baby" was not welcome in the sanctuary. Could this have been an outgrowth of unbaptized persons in years past not being welcome to attend Mass, let alone receive Communion?



I.E. Even today where there is disparity of cult, marriage is not celebrated within a Nuptial Mass. All of the web-surfing brings up the issue that the reason these types of marriages are treated differently is because the Church is concerned first for Catholics to marry Catholics and recognizing the very real dangers to the soul of a Catholic who marries a non-baptized person.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

It is hard with disparity of cult for the Catholic spouse to maintain their devotion and commitment. My mother tried with the first four boys to keep up Mass attendance and they made their first communion but without help and after a bad car accident, she drifted away until I was ten and most of my brothers in their late teens.

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Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

Yep. Case in point. And your parents' marriage wasn't even one between a Muslim and an infidel. The usual outcome of disparity of cult marriages, if they survive, is that the children end up indifferent to religion and not practicing any religion. This is not a good situation, since the Church fervently wishes that new Christians are brought forth, not new Muslims or Jews or agostics or atheists, and that the spouses help each other to heaven, not draw one or the other away from the possibility of heaven.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Bob,



Eeek! KKK.

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James Daly

"It is the Lord." (Jn 21:7)

Dean,



It was within the sanctuary, but beside the altar and not in front of it.

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James Daly

"It is the Lord." (Jn 21:7)

Dean,
Yes, she has always known and we have discussed how important it was for her to marry at least a Christian if not a Catholic from very early on. Since she was little we have attended mass and she says that her religion is very important to her. She is just young and blind right now. She's tells me, "Mom, we just started dating." "I'll worry about that later, etc." I tell her that she needs to address this before she really gets head over heels, like she did with her first Muslim boyfriend. She just believes I'm being overly worried. My husband who attends church regularly feels the same as Sarah and makes it plain to here which aggravates me no end. So I feel like I'm climing an uphill battle. I appreciate the words of the priest. I will have Sarah read them.

Arwen,
I made Sarah watch the movie "Not Without My Daughter" even before she started dating. She just blows it off and says that not all Muslims are like that.

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Kim Cates

I did also say whatever they are called.

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Bob C

Is she secretly hoping he will convert to Catholicism?

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Daisy Martin

Kim,

I would ask your daughter why she would date a man if marriage isn't something to worry about until later? I always discuss with my kids that there isn't a point in pursuing someone if you can see that a marriage with that someone would be handicapped from the start. Better to not start down that path than to have to extricate themselves from it when a bad marriage looms, or worse, to be caught up in love or lust and not see the looming pitfalls at all.

A tough situation, one I expect my wife and I will also face with one or more of our 9 children. I'll pray for your situation.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Thanks, James. Given the differences in responses I'm seeing (in the sanctuary, but beside the altar; in the rectory, outside the sanctuary), I'm wondering if this was a country-to-country, diocese-to-diocese, parish-to-parish policy. In other words, it didn't matter where it took place, but it could not take place in the same place as a marriage between two baptized persons.

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Dean
Most people's sense of history goes back to breakfast time - Benjamin Netanyahu

Dean,

I've no evidence either way, but it does seem likely it might differ from place to place. The point, as you say, is that the Church was making it clear that mixed marriages (ie between a Catholic and a non-Catholic) were not encouraged.

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James Daly

"It is the Lord." (Jn 21:7)

Daisy,
No, she's kind of a live & let live person. So I expect she feels that he will be the same way. I have encouraged her to ask these questions before she gets too involved. I say now. She says that she wants to wait until they have dated longer.

Dean,
I have already expressed these things to her.

Uggghhh!!

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Kim Cates

In the 40's in New England marriage to a non-Catholic was always in the rectory to the best of my memory. I think this changed in the 50's and was no longer in the 60's when we came to favor the "pastoral" approach to such matters.

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- Joe Kelley

Death is only a shadow across the path to Heaven.

Joe,



Jives with my parent's experience...they were married in either Connecticut, MA or RI. I was going to initially say Connecticut because that's where they both lived, but then it seems that the reception was in RI but then again, I recall someone telling me about all the food my grandmother in MA had prepared for the rehearsal...I'll have to ask my Aunt.

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Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict

If you were having a small wedding in the rectory would you have a rehearsal?

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David L (CA)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

David L,

I immediately thought of that after I posted and realized that the affair my uncle had described to me couldn't have been a rehearsal though I feel sure it had something to do with the wedding...perhaps just a party beforehand. I just remember how impressed he was that my Grandmother could provide such a spread on her own. However, I couldn't edit it because when I went back, which truly was immediately after posting, the website timed out. It was running slow in general when I was posting.

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Valerie Garcia
vals1990@yahoo.com

"Listen, O my son, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him ....." St. Benedict